opportunity knocks

opportunity knocked yesterday & i answered back. i have some things to get down on paper. pitching a lot of my ideas. what i want? what i can do with them. i want to inspire people to greatness. inspire people to grow. everyone can grow a little more to attain more peace and clarity. its all about being in the present and attacking the task at hand. there is plenty of noise out there that can cloud your judgment. choose to put all the noise aside and be clear about how and what you do. when you are clear, everything comes easier. example: why let your day be ruined by something as simple as spilling your coffee? laugh at the accident. embrace it. your life still continues. you have a choice!

in conclusion.....everyone has a choice and will live there life by those choices. if you choose to kick ass and talk about all the ASS kicking you will do, then you WILL KICK ASS! if you choose to bitch and complain about the man keeping you down, THE MAN WILL KEEP YOU DOWN. so which is it going to be?? i believe you know what i will do!

the time is right now! think about it.....

leadership

leadership is something i have been lacking & with a little encouragement from the wife, leadership is what i will strive for. we arrived in SF with a fresh prospective and it has been vanquished within a few months. frustration. red tape. paper work. no more. i have an opportunity to make real change. it starts today! i choose not to be stressed anymore. i have been taking on stress for some unknown reason and i have made a conscious decision to turn it around. stress will become my strength. the moment i start to stress, i will breathe deeply and breathe it out. no more holding in. its time to make a move!

shadows by the moon

as i woke this morning i walked out of my bedroom and noticed a shadow by the moon, casting through the window on to the counter and floor. unusual because of all the bad weather. no chance to get rays from the sun or moon! speaking of the sun, i need to get some rays. will help nurture my soul. hopefully on my days off, the days will be bright.

i(we are) am out here on the west coast doing it! its not easy, but i am doing it. just the other day i was chatting with the wife and she mentioned the greatness of california. if it only took us 4 months to get plugged in, then in a very short time things are really going to happen. what a great comment. in a few short months, our family has seen some major change and we have embraced it with our souls, knowing it will be for the better! more great things will happen and we are prepared. its only a matter of time before we get everything we want.....

content

staring at this screen, i am attempting to write. its sunday. a cheesy stallone movie is on. my coffee is to my right. its raining outside. i am extremely content. no need to inspire on a sunday. you should already be inspired to be content. sit back, relax and think of what you have. in a place of gratitude, more will come.

something new to learn

i have challenged myself to learn something new and it has changed my life. percussion. skins. drums. it is the driving force in my life. i am amazed at the capacity and speed i have learned. i am extremely driven to become a drummer. i want to say master, but i am not sure i will ever master the drums. thats why i keep going. its the process of learning. no matter how hard i try, i will not become a great drummer overnight. thats what makes it so great! i am in no hurry. the journey is what makes it great. yesterday for instance. practiced on the drums for 2 hrs. learning more accents and the process of fitting those accents as fills in 16th and 32nd notes. then i learned a new score from clayton fillyau of james brown. please, please, please(1963). it blows me away that i am able to take what i have learned, read and apply it to the kit. its my hard work and dedication to the instrument. it is also b/c i have two amazing drum teachers. these guys have molded me in to the drummer i am today and i am extremely grateful!

applying what i have learned, i have been able to set the tone with my new jam members. the other night we were jamming away and decided to take our funk to the main stage. i know i have already written about this, but its so cool. got on the kit and let her rip. another guitarist got in on the mix and we kicked some ass! immediately have that buzz feeling. closed my eyes and counted the groove. that is a feeling i want to aspire to all the time on the kit. in the pocket. listening for changes. kicking some ass!

to wrap it up. its been a year and a half since i have taken up the drums. i have come a long way and there are more challenges ahead. excellent! aspire to greatness. learn something new. take on a new challenge that will change your life. the quick fix american way will not cure the desire for change. real, life inspiring change. learn. apply. kick some ass!

content & prosperity

yesterday was a day i had to dig deep. 5 hours of sleep did me well in the end. work balanced itself out. not sure how it happened, but things have become lighter. it shows in the employees & there actions. i was able to leave on time. got home. stretched to get some of the kinks out. got little d. dishes. laundry. dinner. and then. an unbelievable jam. best part of my day! an hour jamming with lead s. bass player d arrived shortly after improving his chops on the drums. short funk jam turned in to moving to the main hall where we in sighted a coup. wrangled another guitarist and went for it! amazing jam and i was totally in the zone! nice to play with a new person. better to gel with my com padres. we are really coming together.

in 3 minutes i must go. observation yesterday. leadership is everything. it inspires and destroys negative vibes. incredible potential. there are times when you must come down hard, but there are times when it can be flipped and used for the better. its all about the delivery...

Torture Lesson, 01/23/08

Dear Diary,

Today I rode my brother-in-law's ancient, unforgivably red Bianchi eighteen-speed racing bike which he loaned me in anticipation of a triathlon and which I used previously in a sprint triathlon.  (I scored 270 out of 650.  I accepted masochism unconditionally -- that day.)

By the by, I acquired a swanky, oddly-comported "trainer" apparatus enabling the bike's conversion into a cumbersome, unquiet, indoor torture device.  Aside from the bent derailer's perpetual clicking noises (nice echoes in a one-bedroom apartment with hardwood floors -- no area rug -- twelve-foot ceilings, etc.) and the boredom, this reconfiguration brings me unlimited amounts of physical pain, the focus of which I notice channeling through my coccyx.  My coccyx.  I am not an idiot.  I wear marginally-fashionable, expensive, well-padded biking shorts with a brand name and a less-fashionable, brand-named, specialized biking undergarment.  That said, after six dutiful rides, I'm no less crippled.  I sit a lot.  I enjoy sitting (a lot).  John Cleese reportedly listed his hobbies once as "gluttony, sloth."  I am not John Cleese, but apparently I'm tangentially related at least insofar as our hobbies go.  This "trainer" hindrance is intolerable.  As a former, sadistic colleague of mine once slowly said through his wry smile, after hearing I needed a molar pulled, "you'll get used to it."

 

If these are my problems, things could probably be worse.

to the bone

there is something to be said for working to the bone. you realize what you are/are not capable of..? its the brink. being pushed. adding more to the pot. wait a minute, here is some more. i know your file is full, but make it work. know that it can be done. it will get done. failure is not an option. i love that!

to conclude this piece, i want to mention my activity yesterday: up at 6. write on no name. get little d up for school. breakfast and lunch for her. go for a jog. breakfast for myself. finish week 2 of the schedule. call for salary information. shower. lunch. do the dishes. find out i need to go to work. play the skins for 2 hrs strong. get ready and get little d prepared for some work. take the bart to SF. arrive at 5:30pm. prepare for sale. little d departs. continue marking and pricing. exit work at 11pm. catch the 11:09pm bart. home at 11:50pm. decompress by watching the tube. in bed at 12:30am. wake up at 5am.

what did you do yesterday?

no glasses

no glasses this morning as i type this segment. retraining my eyes. i have my hands full with work this morning, but i will make the next hour mine! always curious about other bloggers so i scrolled through "next blog". its interesting to see what people place out in to the public domain. food, animation, redesigning websites & green monsters. all sites for viewing. its public. we invite the public in to our live for recognition. its makes us feel warm and fuzzy, to a degree. wanted. similar to the facebook concept. yes it is true i am a member, but it bores me. it got old after a week. challenge someone to a movie quiz. slap someone(with a stroke of a key). scrabble. there are all these things we do on facebook to get recognition. the friends list. grant imahara is my friend, who are you friends with?? its a competition that is a complete phi sod. does it make you feel better if you have a friends list a mile long...."oh yeah, look at all my friends". especially when they are famous/infamous. are they really your friends?? no. they are a picture on your screen. look at it closer and you will find that you are further away from yourself than ever. its a complete distraction to keep you from doing what needs to be done. work. learning. ass kicking. to conclude this rant, one might say i am also a victim. true. but i believe this platform is a source of betterment. my words, along with panel six, hit the web with a ton of bricks. we are not the norm and choose to invite people in to our lives for inspiration, not justification.

accountability

accountability is at issue -- personal responsibility --  responsibility to self, responsibility to beliefs, convictions, action, consistency.  live by ideals.  choose, set, maintain standards.  

let us pray.

stress

i know i have felt stress in my life. unlike any other period in my life, i have a pain in my chest from work. there are times when the job overwhelms me and there is little to do but stress and get heavy. this is where my mind can take over and make my body feel worse. i have to practice taking care of myself and taking a moment to breathe. all of the tasks can get done, it just takes more effort to use your time wisely. one situation turns in to another, turns in to another and the next thing you know, your day is over.... not enough time for office work, which is something i have to do ALL THE TIME!

its the job. i love it! manage my stress. i sit here and think how the hell am i going to fit it all in? no sleep. up late. up early.

manage the stress:breathe, run, yoga, skins, meditate, & stop!

fresh 32nd

in the morning i am fresh and clear to hit it! my feet are up on the coffee table and i am preparing for my day of uncontrollable chaos. wait a moment. i have no time to put my feet up.

so while on the bart i love to observe people and what they do. one thing i notice is eaves reading. i do it. we all probably do it. some one else is close to you with a paper or magazine. off in space you want something to read. in a flash you have read a word or two and then you quickly look away. what have you gained from these few words. similar to looking at someone and then they look in your direction. quickly you look away and ....."i was not looking at you...nope, nope. just looking around." then there is the i am looking and you make eye contact. complete strangers making eye contact and what do you do?? look away and act as if nothing happened. how can we forget the game players. the ds. blackberries. ipod. these are all distractions while on public transportation. are they inherently good or bad?? i am a victim sometimes. its funny to see all types of adults and kids buried in gadgets. your face is so close to the screen. nothing going on but the distraction....

this week i am super busy with work. i plan on bringing some work home with me. has to be done. outside of that i will play the skins as often as i can. its an element that was missing the last 3 months. my playing improved b/c i started playing with people, but i know i can be better. committed to playing/practicing 3-4 times a week. that includes time on the bart. i want my playing to be better. always striving to be better & learn. that's the ticket. to learn!

from the inside

it's interesting how, perceiving a future absence of something causes anxiety -- a feeling of loss in advance of the actual loss. such it is now, in what should be "those lean sweet desperate hours" just before enormous change that, planning to again trek westward, i somehow miss the colonial brick structures and substantial weather of the east.  of course, perception is everything.  (maybe it's not "interesting," but simply reveals a seemingly illogical emotional response -- but then emotion defies logic.  "if you miss x, don't leave x.") the value of x is then derived only by the threat of absence of x.  ridiculous.  chase your tail, dog.  mongrel.  "carnival dogs."

time, perspective allow for a 360-degree image (or the most fully-formed image we'll ever generate) of where we are at any given place in time.  deconstructing the idea, intriguing to me as it is, is a waste of time.  i believe we all occupy a super-position in the manner of the physics term, borrowed by alan moore.  that is, per moore: "It ["we" in my analogy] holds meaning and shape, but no solution.  Quantum uncertainty, unable to determine both a particle's location and its nature necessitates that we map every possible state of the particle.  Its super-position."    

too much time on my hands -- "idle hands are the devil's tools!"  i best exit and return to various duties of sloth (satan?  belial?  will we find cocytus together?), although the time to do practical things approaches inexorably.

something said

small screen today. new font. gonna try and spend some time cleaning up my site this weekend. not that i will have much time b/c i will be working. it will get done. jam went really well last night. monitors with head sets completely kick ass! still like the old school noise making way, but this will improve our playing. gotta pick a few funky grooves to get in the mix.

dead air in my head. five hour nap and will hit it hard today.

massive screen

i sit in front of massive screen. 24 inches of blinding technology...SWEET!

first day of work yesterday and i was a zombie. again, i need coffee! tuesdays travel day was good. early and able to do things around the house before hitting the grind.

observation. what is the deal with getting in to a shuttle and for some reason the driver believes its ok to express his every want and opinion to a stranger. tueday mornings driver had to let me know how the colorado representatives where screwing elk hunters out of money. a herd in estes park needs to be thinned and apparently the government is paying top dollar to have this done. hunters enter in to a raffle and are chosen to use any tactic necessary to hunt and kill over 1500 elk. "the shuttle driver" wants the youth or handicapped hunters to do the job instead of paying out money to "regular joe" hunters. so! so... rolling my eyes i try and engage. "maybe its a liability issue?" the elk roam estes park freely and when i say freely, i mean right in town. so i am thinking it would be a dangerous job and there is a possibility that someone could get hurt. "no says the shuttle driver." the government is using my money to have regular hunters to thin the herd. ok... i could go on and on about this and he had more things to discuss, but i could only walk away thinking one thing. if this is your problem, you have SERIOUS issues! there are serious issues coming to a head in this country and elk is not one of them!

perception is reality. obviously the shuttle drivers perception is this issue with elk and the government. my perception is why is this guy bitching at me when i do not know him and i am getting on a plane to california..?? one good thing came out of his mouth. he and his buddies were formulating a letter to his state representative. did not see that coming, but that is a step i have never taken, good for you mr shuttle driver.

it just amazes me how people involve strangers in to there lives. bitching on cellphones. trapping people in shuttles. i would never in a million years involves a customer in any kind of political conversation. so unprofessional. maybe its part of the job as a shuttle/taxi driver. is that part of the interview process?? "if in a cab, what comment would you make about the political state of the congo?"

The Please Song

here is a ditty from trick and little d. enjoy!

turf

back on my old turf. feels really relaxing and safe. walking the streets. seeing people i have not seen or heard from in 4 months. its nice. i miss it & i cannot wait to get back to my new home. i know that is a contradiction, but its true. good to be here, but ready to get back to it in california.

skied my ass off yesterday! over the head face shots in some areas. really sweet!

i sit here on a guest bed watching football. not the norm for me. i am relaxed. how am i doing this? its what i need to recharge.

so i just had a confrontation as a house guest. ex husband of woman that we are staying with just got back from his ski day. asked if the game was on. he asked, "mind if i join you?" i answered, i would much rather watch the game by myself. he answered "...oh.. thanks." this is a guy i do not like and would note enjoy having hour long conversations about himself and his problems. that would ruin my day. its right to speak your mind and what you want! super important. its also another way this guy feels he can get his ex wife back. trying to pry his way in. that would be similar to prying yourself in to a safe with a toothpick... not going to happen!

from where to what

so. SO! its my friday and i its time to get out of town. this time off is going to be great! well deserved for everyone in my family.

everything seems much more doable since the holiday season is over! its amazing what can be done once you set your mind to something. the last 3-4 months have been chaos. embracing the chaos was all i could do. now that the dust has settled, it seems easy. i was laughing at the dinner table last saying how light things feel. i look forward to the flow in 2008! it will be a good year! one more exclamation point and kick some ass!

ill

i have been sick since monday. much better now, but the sniffles are still lingering.... oh well, it is what it is! it has been a busy and casual week. its nice when things simmer down in the retail world. i am sitting here idle wondering what to write. unfortunately it is another morning where i have another awful song in my head. multiple songs. the other day i came in after work and my wife was watching the sound of music. not a fan! critically acclaimed my ass! anyway, i suffered in passing and the songs they sang made me wan to vomit! what is with the repeating song. is it a song if someone sings "bread and jam" over and over and OVER?? and then there is idle weiss. my mind is crying right now...

2 more days of work and the i am out of town for 5 days. wifes art opening and skiing. got a jam tonight. look forward to playing! time to get after it!

at busy

i have a friend coming to town today. he left me a message the other day commenting on my outgoing message(does this sequence make sense?). "i would like to know what you kick ass at since you are now in the city?" this ia guy whom i use to ski. a guru. taught me everything i know about tree skiing. so the answer is, of course i kick ass in the city! does not matter if you are on a beach, in the mountains or living in a city. you are capable of kicking ass anywhere you go! this is me telling you to do so. nothing will stop me from doing what i want. i am sick as crap right now and i am not letting the little germ win! get after it!

in the morning

i feel so fresh in the morning. last night was a tough night of sleep, but i got some zzzz's i woke up a bunch between 11-1. not sure why. my brain has finally caught up with my body and i am feeling better every day. needed these days off to get refreshed. a nice big yawn and no i am back in to the groove.

i have released my anger. there is no need to be so angry. i have the support of my family. i have a great job. i get to play the drums. i basically get what i need. the dust will settle more and everything will fall more in to place.

considering what i want to 2008. the list goes. the dream board has not been created, but i have the thoughts in my head every day. patience, money, compassion & love! more time for family, drums, music and exercise! i will get all of this and more. time to kick some more ass!

the 3

the last 24hrs have been difficult. i figured something out. i want to be angry. why? because its easy. for some reason i have been dead set on being angry and it hit me... what the hell am i doing? so as i woke up this morning, i found myself overrun with emotion. it took an hour to get out of bed. since i have been up i have considered many options. my overall need and want is happiness & love. i have both of these, but for some reason my anger has taken over.. no more. i choose not to be angry any more. there will be moments of weakness, but i will overcome, defeat & conquer! watch out 2008, i am going to kick some ass!

to challenge the soul

jan 2. 2008. this computer is in my lap and as usual i am thinking about work. work has become my life in the last 4 months. gotta make that change. don't get me wrong, i love the work, but i am fried like marsh mellows in oil... need a break and piece of mind. took time last night and went for a walk. played the drums and then took it easy. felt normal but so tired. got some good z's last night. need more.

will attempt to leave work early. its funny, but i need to try.

my brain is flooded with information. the new year has started with a boom.

what am i trying to say? what ever it is, there are answers somewhere.....

so called resolutions for 2008

the thought of resolutions for 2008 makes me wonder. resolutions are held in such high regard. "for 2008, i will be a better......", quit this, eat less of that and so on and so forth. someone asked me the question yesterday. of course he thought i was someone else, but then considered to listen to my answer. i do not have any resolutions. i have goals that i wish to set for myself. i have a short list that i will create in to a dream board. a concept i learned from my wife. if i can see it, i will have it. goals and wants are visualized over and over again until it is manifested. tonight i will put my ideas together. will post in the a.m.

KICK SOME ASS IN 2008!