NO NAME

2009-05-30T01:35:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are again, just you and me.

And me.

meditation

2008-08-01T06:45:00.000-07:00

on a morning of meditation. gratitude. that is what this life is about. what you have. not what you do not have. is that a double negative?? in any case, be grateful and the world and its abundance will roll within you like the tide rising.

love your life. i love mine.

now get up off your ass and do something about it!

words from a trick

TRUE NATURE AND SPEAK UP

2008-07-14T06:35:00.000-07:00

that was the theme of my day yesterday. true nature & speak up. both were incredible experiences.

true nature. on a strangers drum kit in front of a crowd of unknowns. first time! nerves, but held together. immediately in the zone and stayed. i thought of nothing but the groove. staying in the pocket. when there is you and nothing else, in your mind, that is true nature. it is bliss!

speak up. speak up took courage. necessary and held my ground. felt good. now i know i can go toe to toe without fear. walk softly now, the fight is over. speak up when needed. i will not be intimidated. be assertive and let your warrior out when necessary!

i will not forget 7.13.2008. now move forward!

the trick

fearless

2008-07-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

the goal is to be fearless. it is a balance. there was only so much i could take and the decision was made to take a stand. addreneline. sweat. fear. all were present and accounted for. pushed through and said what i had to say. repercussions? yes. regret? NO! i took a huge step yesterday. this radical change has inspired. more work is to be done. shift your mind to get a piece.

life is to short to walk in fear.

the trick

crispy

2008-06-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

for those who may be done. done is a word i use to express my uneasiness. for why and what is it for. a career. its not that the grass is greener, its just the same grass. ....
.....
......
if having a career means not having a life, no time to exercise and missing my family than the towel is about to be thrown.

......

i hold the answers. only i can change the path.

meditate the night away and more answers will be revealed in awaking moments

disappointed

2008-06-21T06:30:00.000-07:00

tired. disappointed. the opportunity, but no go.

again i sit outside. the sun soothing my face. listening to discussions between birds. they seem happy, but you can tell when they are agitated by another bird. the song. the chase. pecking.

it all seems to be a blur. i must find the gratitude in all of this.

5 elements of gratitude about my job.
1.
2.
3
4.
5.

i am too tired to think. i will eat and get back to this. funny how its blank?

its not

2008-06-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

its not that i am unhappy, i just want more...

i must begin with gratitude. more will come from that...

to the test

2008-06-18T05:28:00.000-07:00

i am being put to the test. i am willing to do the work, but it will cost other members of the team. ownership. discipline. listening. helping. there has to be give and take, not just take. i have serious things to think about to make the proper changes.

this comes at the end of a 2 week period that has been full of challenges. the answers are unclear.

i sit here watching the sun rise, listening to the crickets communicate.

the oracle

2008-06-17T07:48:00.000-07:00

the oracle has an answer for me. similar to neo. i have the gift, but i am waiting. that is just the push i need. i already know the answer. it is something greater than this. its all about the presentation. waiting for the universe to present. not idle. focusing the energy out there for change and it will happen.

it has already shifted.

&

2008-06-16T07:26:00.000-07:00

waiting for the phone to ring. its the last day of 4. relaxed and preparing for another day. its in the moment i choose to survive. there is no other way. i would not say i wake up overwhelmed. i wake up aware of something else. something else for me. my life. our lives. for the betterment of my soul & being. its right there and it will show itself. it is happening the way it should be.

believe

-the trick

the manifest

2008-06-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

man·i·fest /ˈmænəˌfɛst/ Pronunciation Key - [man-uh-fest]
-verb
3.to make clear or evident to the eye or the understanding; show plainly

i am here. the manifest. the mind. believe. it is a must!

i am on the path.

beginning the question

2008-06-15T10:10:00.000-07:00

ques·tion - /ˈkwɛstʃən/ Pronunciation[kwes-chuhn] Pronunciation Key
–noun
1.a sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply.
2.a problem for discussion or under discussion; a matter for investigation.
3.a matter of some uncertainty or difficulty; problem

this is where i am. the question. this is a positive area for me. my body and mind question what i am doing, as a career. is it inspiring me? am i growing? is it what i am here to do. getting the 8 yr itch! itching for new and inspiring. the soul toucher. do i want to sell a product produced by someone else or do i want to sell myself and what i want?

i am listening to a hornet chew on our fence. for what reason does a hornet chew on wood?

i have the day. writing. yoga. rudiments. walk the dog. a movie with little d.
dinner with the family. thats the plan.

the day will be full of questions. its my way right now. feel a good change coming on. a change to settle in to SF and all it has to offer. i will put it out there and remain patient.

i am not waiting for an answer. i am creating my destiny!

in the jungle

2008-06-09T05:27:00.000-07:00

in the distance you can hear the highway. car after car, motorcycle after 18 wheeler. close by, i am listening to a jungle. i am outside, feet in the grass, sun rising, listening to a host of birds doing their morning ritual. the songs. laughing. conversing. debating. it is quite beautiful. this is why i love mornings. fresh. the highway noise is growing. just in the last 5 minutes its grown. geese just flew over my head.

tough night of sleep last night. it was hot. noise from the highway. i got about 5-6 hrs. i think i will be ok. off to work shortly. this is day six, with 3 more to go. completely screwy schedule, but the payoff is soon! 4 day weekend.

i am not going to complain. i have plenty to say, but it will get me no where. sometimes i feel that i am a cat chasing its tail. it has to end at some point. trying to be conscious about it.

in a chair, feet chilly from the ground, sipping coffee. this is where i feel the energy! no hustle, just present state of mind, enjoying the moment!

-the trick

convoluted

2008-06-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

running on about 6 hours slep. the brain becomes convoluted and consumed with information. remember to stay in the present & remain calm at all costs! anger & frustration are the enemy. its not worth it. it clouds the judgment and creates more chaos.

i'm eating, drinking coffee and have no where else to go with this.

-trick

2008-06-04T07:04:00.000-07:00

the couch again. this thing is so uncomfortable. i should stop watching the tv and do more. music. write. bills. whatever. its time to change positions and create more.

easy to fall back on old habits.

today. a talent show. work. meeting. try and get back in the groove. its been a while since i have been to work. days off and the injury.

dream last night. fueling the car. fire started. watched the flames spread. assessed the situation. grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the flames out.

observation. watching the candidates and footage. please tell me why someone thinks its cool to go up on stage and point up and out, apparently to someone the candidate knows.... its the entire package. the walk. look. the point. the smile. what the hell.

day 3

2008-06-02T07:07:00.001-07:00

day 3. everything is feeling good! pain every now and again but the shoulder feels good. it is going to be a speedy recovery. hand stands in 4 weeks. not an issue.

i sit and think. settle in and think about repairs. heal my shoulder. quiet my mind. everything is happening the way it should. i have mental and physical work to do. i will be stronger both mentally and physically. it goes back to strength. i have it. use it. its tested and i do not waiver. make a wall. destroy it. its been that way my entire life. obstacles do not keep me from getting what i want.

this ice on my shoulder feels good!

to the injury

2008-05-31T07:57:00.000-07:00

i sit here in a sling. yesterday i dislocated my left shoulder doing a hand stand. i definitely cursed up a storm. 30 seconds. then the calm. frustration. pain. the why? my day is fucked! the calm and community. immediately other members of the class came to my need. talking to me. breathing with me. in my latest writing of goals i told the universe i was going to have a community of friends with common interests. that happened yesterday. everyone shared my pain. my frustration. it was beautiful! i am extremely grateful for all of them.

what is the lesson? is it trust? trusting yourself? trusting your partner? trusting your inner voice? well its multiple lessons and i am still sorting through the thoughts.

a revelation in the shower came to me in a flood. our instructor at the beginning of class mentioned kula which means community. coming together as a community and learning. she spoke of the class level and that there may be some poses that may be difficult. try and play. its about knowing what you can do, but you can at least try. excellent to go back and remember those moments.

for me, as i sort out the emotions. trusting your inner voice and what it tells you. my partner at the time. i do not know her. i believe she may be devestated. i send her thoughts of compassion and gratitude. i hope to see her again and help her through the fear. will you conquer the fear or will you be defeated? conquer! search and destroy..with compassion!

trust and fear

what to observe

2008-05-27T05:35:00.000-07:00

i ride the bart. i walk to work. there is so much to see.

its similar to the starbucks mom syndrome.

teenager. big 80's style glasses. hollister sweatshirt. ipod. blackberry. sucking back on a jamba juice. (every other word is like) forever 21 shopping bag. sitting next to her is her friend, wearing a similar arrangement. mom is behind them, trying not to be noticed.

its amazing what we have become. driven by capitalism. i was taught the same principles. took years of unlearning. when i get money, i have to really think about what i want(which is a really good thing). before i would just spend to spend.

interesting to see it all over again.

the zone continues

2008-05-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

this is great. the zone continues! its an overwhelming feeling. floating.

today is my friday and i will be treating myself. i have the next few days to myself. this afternoon i am going to go exchange my cymbal for another one. maybe this king was right. 10" splashes are for poofs. its just not working for me. gonna get a larger crash and call it good. no need for more than that.

now. its time to eat and get caffeinated.

here i go....

purple potato

2008-05-21T05:28:00.000-07:00

i know how to spell potato. ever experienced a purple potato? interesting when expecting a white one. its a medley of potato's...

wheels are in motion. i have put myself out there and we shall see what happens. its exciting being in the flow. at the dinner table last night, the wife and i were commenting on being in the zone. it is a feeling to embrace!

its time to find my place in sf. its coming. i have my mantra. now its the universes turn to deliver the answer. it will be interesting to see how this one plays out! if you only new my mantra. is it something you need. want? do you have your own? its all about what you want. the energy will find its way to you.

scorpio moon

2008-05-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

the scorpio moon is treating me well. spring fever! also other avenues that i have had issues with have become more clear. i found a new drum teacher in berkeley. teaches afro cuban beats. something i really want to learn more about!

in the flow and loving it. i always get a bit anxious the first day back to work. i am working hard to settle in and let it move away. do your job. do it well. go home! thats the trick. know it to be true.

nothing else to report.

its not i wish, its i will!

what i have in mind

2008-05-15T06:36:00.000-07:00

unclear what i have in mind. four days off really helped me settle in for better mind calibration. whatever that means? its means i feel better mentally. good job. now i am talking to myself.... i feel more at ease communicating and thing about what i need. i still have my usual battles of chaos. the battles are shorter and consumed with feelings of compassion. gratitude. there is more to life than the job. yes i love to work. i do not live to work. i work to live.

i see it everyday on the bart. in the city. everywhere! frenetic energy creates a buzz of gotta go somewhere faster, harder with no concept of the present. slow it down. open a door for someone. say hello. be gracious. small steps will create more steps to improve your work/personal life. it takes one positive thought to make it happen. this is not neverland. its real life. how you choose to live it, is yours..

you can walk around with x's on your eyes or you can unlearn what you have already learned, for a better life

are most people?

2008-05-13T05:28:00.000-07:00

are most people oblivious? its inconceivable that anyone would answer an email from a far away place promising millions of dollars. give us 10K and we will give you 15M?? why is that worth any ones time? give money away based on an email from someone you do not know?? how? why? i understand these scams are meant to prey on people, but again how is it believable?? sitting here thinking about it makes me laugh....

i wrote that last piece b/c i have received 2 emails in the last 4 days promising millions if i give some one 10K. its a shame you cannot block these kind of emails. cons go around and use other emails...

enough of that!

the last 4 days have been just what i needed! 4 off! relaxation. birthday. walked the golden gate. drove a mini cooper. played drums! yoga! a most excellent 4 day weekend! i woke up at 5am for the first time in a while and its quite nice. birds are going. sun is rising. getting mentally prepared for the day. gratitude and compassion are my two words. gratitude for what i have. compassion for those who need it the most. people who are the most challenging and try to pull the wool over my eyes. its a mental game. nothing personal. i choose not to be spun..

i want to write more often. so i will try.

exclamation point...

integrity

2008-05-08T06:25:00.000-07:00

in·teg·ri·ty - /ɪnˈtɛgrɪti/ Pronunciation Key - [in-teg-ri-tee]
–noun

1.adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

2.the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

3.a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

is it being tested. yes. do i enjoy it being tested? no. even more so, its what to do with the information. speak out or say nothing? testing ones ability to find an answer. what is true/false.

the mind does not rest. very aware at all times. the emotion is worn on the shoulder. for good or bad, its what is done to rescue thoughts from consumption. as time passes, the shoulder becomes bare and strong. thoughts linger in the mind, but the truth is already known from the first instant integrity is questioned.

the trick speaks in tongues. whether or not you believe it, i am unrest!

bird song

2008-05-05T05:31:00.000-07:00

i normally title the segment before i write, but nothing is happening. its been quite some time. i feel the keys jump away from my fingers. what else to add? i have had a wicked schedule this month. pretty tired, but working through it. its unusual for the local birds to sing songs at 5:36 in the morning, but they are up to something. anyway, hanging on for a 3 day weekend. gonna kick it! lots of drums. yoga. rest the mind. i want to do something that is out of my comfort zone. we shall see??

this morning i woke up to my usual routine. decided to meditate for the first time before i settle in to drink coffee and write. its a nice way to start the day. set an intention. let the mind wander where it wants. felt good. i believe i will do this 3 times a week, maybe more.

i am going to go sit outside and listen to birds debate.

go meditate...

i come home

2008-04-28T05:29:00.000-07:00

i come home and i want some peace. not happening. 30 minutes? ok? no. last night was a perfect example of not going with the flow, turning my ears off and unable to help process other peoples needs. its frustrating. i have the capacity, but unwilling to take the breath needed to get me there.

pause.

i have to surrender. i keep fighting the current. it is possible peace will come with less resistance. the more resistance, the more chaos, the less chance for peace and mindfulness.

i know what is in store today, so its difficult to keep calm. it starts in 20min. the go. get in there. do the job. do it well. get out and live it!

listen:

lis·ten:/ˈlɪsən/ Pronunciation Key [lis-uhn] –verb (used without object)
1.to give attention with the ear; attend closely for the purpose of hearing; give ear.

which came first?

2008-04-27T07:28:00.000-07:00

which came first. my chicken or my egg? what part of my body will be the chicken. the heart. egg = the soul. well that is easy answer considering conception. but does one have a soul at conception? the heart is conceptualized in our dna make-up so, is that not considered. possible the heart comes first. the soul. is it in our dna or does it come from thin air. is it learned. is i passed on from lost souls attempting to infringe on life patterns itself??

the trick. my egg is cracked(on the path to greatness). my chicken is huge

conflict and end

2008-04-24T05:52:00.001-07:00

this is where i am at....

con·flic:t v. kuhn-flikt; n. kon-flikt] Pronunciation Key –verb (used without object)
1.to come into collision or disagreement; be contradictory, at variance, or in opposition; clash
2.to fight or contend; do battle.
–noun
3.a fight, battle, or struggle, esp. a prolonged struggle; strife.

end: /ɛnd/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[end] Pronunciation Key –noun
1.the last part or extremity, lengthwise, of anything that is longer than it is wide or broad: the end of a street; the end of a rope.
2.a point, line, or limitation that indicates the full extent, degree, etc., of something; limit; bounds
3.a part or place at or adjacent to an extremity

this is where my body wants to be.....

gnos·tic: [nos-tik] Pronunciation Key –adjective Also, gnos·ti·cal.
1.pertaining to knowledge.
2.possessing knowledge, esp. esoteric knowledge of spiritual matters.
3.(initial capital letter) pertaining to or characteristic of the Gnostics.
–noun

interesting. the first 2 definitions are what came to my mind immediately after thinking of where i am. the third definition came from me blindly opening the dictionary and pointing. i will have a long think about is one....

in a good place

2008-04-23T07:07:00.000-07:00

from the outside looking in, i am in a good place.

i am asking more questions.
i am being more of a smart ass!
i am prepared to stand up for myself & my needs.
i understand i can be in a confrontation and not get angry.
i will call people on there BS!

i am training for everything.

-trick

in fear

2008-04-22T08:55:00.000-07:00

i am in fear mode. afraid i am being too emotional at the moment! could be resentment? could be i am not speaking up? its many different things. i am the one who is here. how i get out or stay in is my choice. its up to me!

do something rather than be locked down....

-the trick

wake the dead

2008-04-21T05:18:00.000-07:00

quite an intro?! wake the dead... its a phrase that made its way in to my brain yesterday morning. name for a band? a concept to live by? live fast enough, loud enough..kick ASS enough to wake the dead! feels good to me...

its my monday, which is unusual. had my first sunday off since forever ago and i was comfortable/uncomfortable. comfortable enjoying yoga and family time. uncomfortable doing the schedule and thinking about work. sucks, but had to be done. its the claws. sometimes they have you. sometimes not. the more given, the more taken.

this past wednesday, myself and the family went to a concert at the palace of fine arts. zakir hussain and the masters of percussion. totally amazing! instruments: tabla, doyra, sitar, folk drums, sarangi and more.. it was so amazing. he and the other masters played for 3 hours and it was worth every dime spent. extremely soulful. it brings my understanding and want for percussion to a whole other level!

i have no battery

2008-04-14T05:27:00.000-07:00

use the power wisely. i have no battery this morning. its 5:27 am and its time to kick some ass!

you must unlearn what you have already leaned. -yoda

the font has been exhausted

2008-04-09T05:32:00.000-07:00

the font has been exhausted. everything has changes and it would be great to know the original font. will try something new for a change. its 5:35 am and i am kicking it! coffee and writing has become my new SF ritual. as i was saying last night, from a ray of light from the sky, i have received my timing again. nice to be on the kit and let go. release the control. stop thinking and just be....

5:41 am and thinking...

ultimate control

2008-04-08T05:26:00.000-07:00

i have no ultimate control. it is an illusion. my illusion to try and take power back after all control has been lost. this last sentence is again, control. not happening. let it go! i am in chains. the control is not allowing mental and physical freedom. i am in the hole. my playing is controlled and locked in thinking. work is completely overwhelming at all times. my dog drives me insane when she just lays there. my wife moves the dish towel from the refrigerator and i go berserk. little d leaves her plate by the sink and i have a "crazy kathy" moment...

all of these moments point back to me and my issue. control. i want it. can i have it?? to some degree, but for the most part, let it go! there is no chance.... to control. to take it back is having the opposite effect.

i am attempting control in hundreds of tiny acts in 15 different scenarios of every second in my brain.

welcome to my torture....

con·trol- /kənˈtroʊl/[kuhn-trohl] -trolled, -trol·ling, noun
–verb (used with object)
1.to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
2.to hold in check; curb: to control a horse; to control one's emotions.
3.to test or verify (a scientific experiment) by a parallel experiment or other standard of comparison.
4.to eliminate or prevent the flourishing or spread of: to control a forest fire.
5.Obsolete. to check or regulate (transactions), originally by means of a duplicate register.
–noun
6.the act or power of controlling; regulation; domination or command: Who's in control here?
7.the situation of being under the regulation, domination, or command of another: The car is out of control.
8.check or restraint: Her anger is under control.

what ever happened to...

2008-04-07T05:21:00.000-07:00

what ever happened to "i will deliver." a friendly reminder from your so called memory. station identification. do i have a station? it seems to be on crazy lately. not one hundred percent of the time, but some. have i cracked. already been cracked, since birth. the control is being unleashed and in pursuit of complete domination. i must be freed.

honest broker- n. an impartial intermediary or arbitrator.

arbitrator-/ˈɑrbɪˌtreɪtər/[ahr-bi-trey-ter] n. a person chosen to decide a dispute or settle differences, esp. one formally empowered to examine the facts and decide the issue.

honest broker from open and point.
arbitrator because i enjoy the word.

control must be freed
freed to let me go
go to beat of the drum
drum the beat of 3's
3's are lucky
lucky to have timing
timing is know when to hit and quit it
it jests
jests the power that be
be present
present of now, not then or ahead
ahead is the vision to decipher
decipher some unheard voice
voice of fight or flight
flight of view
view your perception
perception is your own reality
reality is wisdom
wisdom can create calm
calm is what i seek
seek the mind
mind the peace
peace will occur mentally
mentally i will believe
believe it to what?

36 going on 12

rhythm

2008-04-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

there are times when i wonder what the hell is going on?? open the websters dictionary. randomly put finger on a page and the word rhythm is what i stopped at...

rhythm: (rith-em) n. 1. movement or procedure with uniform or partnered recurrence of a beat, accent, or the like. 2. a. the pattern of regular or irregular pulses caused in music by the occurrence of strong and weak melodic and harmonic beats. b. a particular form of this: triple rhythm.

stuck in italic? will i be in the movement today??

tired, but i will see through. envision greatness. embrace the chaos. do not react. know your response. create internal calm.

the finger from websters

2008-04-01T05:27:00.000-07:00

the word is cultured. (kul-cherd), adj. 1. enlightened. refined. 2. artificially nurtured or grown. cultured bacteria. 3. cultivated. tilled.

use it in a sentence. there was a time when cultured people roamed the country side, now its the damn heathens.

i have..

a ball under my foot. only speak when spoken to. try and be calm. let the mind settle. the element of pain has to end. be.

if there was a name

2008-03-31T05:29:00.000-07:00

if there was a name or a definition for my thought, what would it be?? unclear. many words to describe. enigma inside an enigma? i enjoy plethora! labyrinth? plethora does not describe space, but it describes by how much or does it?

my state last night. closing my eyes. awakened by the sounds of arrival. close my eyes. breathe. visions of purple and shadows of spirit. it is a very unknown place, my slumber. in that place, i look deeper. deeper to search for an answer. what will it show me? the heart races & the mind calms. if i take a step closer, will i return from my own projected echelon?

there is an answer. close. breathe. empower. vision!

brain/mind

2008-03-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

for all to see. the words i type.

i have had an excellent 2 days off. its pretty much the same as the past few. a good practice mentally and physically. the best:the calm in my mind. the racing is at a minimum and i am much more conscious. thoughts process quicker and with less chaos. its a huge step.

i got it. there is more to come. i will embrace and move....

shhh! to the mind

word for word

2008-03-27T05:20:00.000-07:00

attack:save. it:there. where:gone. reason:none. from:to. guide:weather. measure:toe. sip:cup. find:desire. venue:tour. know:me. ticket:time. curse:life. furry:calm. quest:purchase. honor:whatever. slice:pizza. xanadu:dream. sad:pocket. hand :pipe. slurp:annoying. tongue:pierce. zebra:colossal. butt:trick. hyper:caffeine. radio:antennae. yours:yours. mine:yours. west:solid. yipe:their. forecast:destruction. post:dig. believe:course. bust:rise. hide:means. savor:food. result:look. knee:ache. worm:dirt. dirt:dirt. tap:zip. nine:5. fore:play. chaos:brain. pinky:brain. fingers:type. hide.counter. vice:due. unclear:words. slap:hard. fidget:addiction. ass:man. rest:no. gratitude:daily. vest:black. trend:lame. just:fine. hire:young. link:past. guest:mystery. line:diagonal. wire:dine. hope:truth. calm:peace. ion:onion. drums:human. alive:

manic

7 months

2008-03-26T05:20:00.000-07:00

7 months. if someone told me i lived in SF for 7 months, i would respond by saying you are insane. its true. thats what i am sating now. i have lived in SF for 7 months and that is completely insane! why? because there is a part of me that feels that i just arrived yesterday. another part of me feels i have been here 2 years. it snapped by just like that! now, the question is how do i feel? in the present. exhausted. i am doing a holiday turn around. i left the store at 10:45pm. up at 5am for the opening. overall? AWESOME! the things i have learned and done are amazing. at work i have been playing catch up, but i just made a small turn a few days ago and things are smoother. i have about another 3-6 months before i am at 90% or greater. would love to say 100%, but i believe i have to be realistic. personal life? SOLID!(bringing back a 70's word of positivity.) the love is amazing. babers and little d. its always a constant. drum practice? i am extremely happy where i am right now. learning and playing to new material. playing with new people is excellent. i always want more time, but i must be grateful for what i have in the present. physical activity? yoga has seen me through alot of my stress. i feel stronger physically and mentally after every session. i take yoga off the mat everyday(sometimes there are moments of weakness). overall yoga has helped improve my mental practice at home and work. i again want more, but i must be grateful for what i have right now! from time to time i am able to take a bike ride and its nice to be outside in the california sun.

my message today? well. this is the segment where i may say i want more.... be grateful! there is always more. yes i want more drum time, yoga, relaxation, time from work, time with babers and little d. its the time.? time to remember i got it all. to be as dialed as i am after 7 months in SF. pretty amazing! will i always want more? yes. its the wanting that drives us, but at the same time one must remember the present. so philosophical.

too many days

2008-03-24T05:20:00.000-07:00

its been too many days since i last wrote. there is a lot going on, specially in my head. off balance thoughts. moments of clarity. chaos. ease. any choice words? in some way its catching up with me. its time. time for all i do and want to do. this is where choices must be made. it seems i cannot make choices b/c i am overloaded. not clear if i am making sense. this where if you listened to my radio show you would understand more of my chaotic nature. inside my brain is a scary place. moments of chaos are interrupted by short bursts of amazing calm. similar to the ocean. it may be a dead calm on top, but a war underneath. and vice versa. chaos on top, calm underneath.

for now, it could be the moon. it could be any number of things. i have to be strong and understand my state. go to a place of gratitude. i am grateful for what i have. i went to the wife yesterday and mentioned "i just want this much." that small space between your thumb and pointer finger. barely an inch. a cm. a mm. that is all i ask. after 5 days of work(nights) there was no time. i say that and understand that i have to use my time wisely. take it when i can get it!

the mantra: calm. peace. patience. percussion.

the week of nights

2008-03-22T06:35:00.000-07:00

this has been the week of nights. in that time i have observed many stages of emotion. its important to slow everything down, breathe and contend with situations as they come. i have to contain my frenetic energy.

fre·net·ic or phre·net·ic (frə-nět'ĭk) Pronunciation Key
adj. Wildly excited or active; frantic; frenzied.

[Middle English frenetik, from Old French frenetique, from Latin phrenēticus, from Greek phrenītikos, from phrenītis, brain disease, from phrēn, mind; see g^whren- in Indo-European roots.]

en·er·gy (ěn'ər-jē) Pronunciation Key
n. pl. en·er·gies

The capacity for work or vigorous activity; vigor; power. See Synonyms at strength.
1. Exertion of vigor or power
2. Vitality and intensity of expression

to harness is work, but it pays off in the end. helps maintain the fire! mean what you say and say what you mean.. is it one more anecdote. no its the truth.

sometimes, its difficult to articulate...

its time. here we go!

is it chemical?

2008-03-20T07:08:00.000-07:00

there are moments when my mind runs scared. is it my brain or my mind? famous words of little d. my mind. in the last seven months, i have accomplished many things. my body has caught up. fewer aches and pains. now its my mind that suffers. how do i manage the stress and overload? breathe is number one. i can mange stress and heaviness with my breathe. i also have to manage my mind and what enters. i get nervous when my mind is overwhelmed and out of control. feels manic. example: my phone just rang and i got a shot of anxiety. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ALL ABOUT!

there has to be a point when my mind catches up. soon, i hope. i will be patient and observe.

get up and get after it!

its true what RHCP says...

2008-03-18T11:16:00.000-07:00

its extremely true what the boys of RHCP's say....speaking of california. it kicks ass and there is no other place to be. "dream of californication!" all the time kiedis speaks of cali. flea on back ups... its a feel. the zone! I LOVE IT! watched a whole lot of old footage of the RHCP's on you tube. realize what a influence they are on my life since 1991.

yesterday was a challenge. had to hand out a rep remand. was not easy, but necessary!

got on the skins for a while yesterday and made the connection. got in the pocket. playing to new material. love the challenge.

right now, i am kicking ass and will keep it up!

open

2008-03-16T06:29:00.000-07:00

as i woke up this morning, the word open came to mind. i am leaving myself open. open for suggestion. open for opportunity. opening my mind. part of my mantra. open.

i am allowing every thought to enter my mind. observe every thought. if i choose to use or consider that thought, i will. if not, chuck it!

the last few days have proven difficult, but i have remained on top. i have observed my most recent issues from this week. there is nothing that can shake what i want.

i am baby ganesh. mover of obstacles. out of my way!

clarity and communication

2008-03-14T08:10:00.000-07:00

2 c's. clarity. communication. 2 things extremely important. i keep re-learning these elements. its frustrating but true. i have not learned the art of clarity or communication. its true what they say, if you do not learn from history(even your own) you are destine to repeat it again!

this also goes for people communicating to you. lack of communication creates chaos and problems. i know what i am talking about. this is why i define the next word. disrespect

Disrespect [dis-ri-spekt] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	lack of respect; discourtesy; rudeness.

–verb (used with object)

2.	to regard or treat without respect; regard or treat with contempt or rudeness.

if you do not communicate, one is not allowed to be disrespectful. its your own damn fault for lacking the skills....

i am glad we had this chat. GOOD TALK!

consider it a waste of time

2008-03-13T07:28:00.000-07:00

as humans, there are plenty of things that distract us. cell phones. tv. any video game. "the internets" people spend thousands of dollars on computers to surf "the internets." is this technology utilized in a way to improve lives of average people(this is where i might say am-er-i-cans) much of it is a distraction. one could consider my time and site a distraction. there is no fluff to my sight. its my words, thoughts and opinions. take it as you wish. this is not myspace and facebook. travel to these sites to see and meet friends of old and new. there is a catch.... here is the waste of time. waste time playing games. trivia. scrabble. anything and everything to distract your mind. there is so much more to our lives than games and sites to connect the dots of your past. that is why i no longer participate in facebook. it was fun at first, but i found myself on the site adding dumb ass games to my page. sitting back i figured i was not accomplishing anything, but wasting time. i quote gordon gecko from wall street. "rich enough not to waste time." well the rich part is questionable, but wasting time is correct. do not waste time. everyday should be full to point of being numb with accomplishment. what are you going to do? do you choose to sit? do choose to live?

who's time?

2008-03-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

there are moments when i wonder who's time? is my time really my time?? it is and it is not. i am writing for myself and thinking about work. that takes training. train the mind to say no to other thoughts other than your own. its frustrating. its the hooks. "they get their hooks in to you!" they? its the job. errands. laundry. the dog. bills. anything and everything that has to do with.... i believe you understand. it needs a word, but its a void.

i will fight for my time today! what will i do?? i will go for a nice walk this morning. breakfast. warm up on the drum pad. play the drums. play the drums. play the drums. i have some new books for learning independence and rudiments.

while on my time, as rare as it it is, i think of one important element. i want to work as a drummer. i want to make the money i make now and have more time for my passion! DRUMS! learning more about percussion. its what i want! will some one finance my life to give me what i want?

searching for inspiration

2008-03-11T05:20:00.000-07:00

on the "internets" searching for inspiration to write. lecture. impose an opinion about human nature. humans fascinate me! is it because i am unhuman? no. it has become my nature to watch people. scrutinize what people say and do. i people watch. i listen. eaves drop. i enjoy it so much! what a place to do what i love. the bart. walking in the city. work. there is so much material, its ridiculous. i have nothing that is fresh from the streets of SF, but i have something from this place from which i write. its free running. its another so called "extreme sport" where people run around and jump off of things. roof top to the ground. jump steps. its an urban sport using the environment to play. well for some reason this so called "sport" is now getting national attention. there is a group of "free runners" touring the nation with a free running course to teach people about the sport. touring college campuses.. it even has its own shoe. its OWN SHOE PEOPLE! here buy this shoe and you can jump and run of shit just like me.... maybe even jump off a building and break your ass! for some reason it is considered an "extreme sport". (are you enjoying the quotation marks and exclamation points today?) this is the thing that fascinates me. creating a sport from nothing. considering it a "art form" because you can run and jump off of building and not get hurt. some may say, "well trick, why don't you try it.... you are just making fun of it b/c you cannot do it." lets be clear. if i wanted to do it, yes i would. it does not seem appealing. my point here is that i can appreciate it, but its hilarious to consider this thing people do an "extreme sport" or "an art form". for years i considered my fly fishing an art form. its not an art form, its something i can do with my eyes closed. with enough practice, the thing you love to do comes with ease. do you need your own "capitalist" shoe to do so? it cracks me up to think some guy in a cubical thought it would be a great idea to create a shoe for "extreme running." damn. why didn't i think of that?

its seems its been a while

2008-03-10T05:22:00.000-07:00

its been a while. since the 6th. what is four days? for me thats a while since i was writing every day. will do my best to get more words on this page. its been busy! work. play. in the last 7 days, i have been outside and its been awesome! the weather in california is amazing!! sunny and now longer days.... speaking of long days, last night was a long one. woke up a bunch. i think every hour. i am fumbling around and doing silly things while my mind moves at a slower, unsleepable rate. i made a mistake about an expiration date on a half and half carton. smells funny, but i think its ok..?? WRONG! curdled. not so yummy....

what is my philosophy today? one thing i am having a problem with is striking the correct letters while typing..frustration! its communication. this is a skill many people lack. i lack it or cannot find the words sometimes. its my mind before my mouth. that is possible with my ADD ASS! its the hardest part of all my mind molting hyper spazz life. back to communication. communicating what you need and want is imperative at work and home. if you say you are a great communicator and your story changes, well there is a problem. this kind of situation happens to me all the time and its time to nip it! its called getting it in writing! the story stays the same if you have no proof. you are basically stuck. otherwise there is no solid ground to stand beneath you.

time to kick it! leaving early to get to work. yoga at work. can you dig it?!

get this, "you are paying for 8 hours of work."

i use

2008-03-06T07:24:00.000-08:00

it was an everyday thing. i always wrote on this page. it was a morning ritual. i want to write more. my schedule has changed AGAIN....so i spend my time on the drums, which is what i want!

panel six is making the change to the west coast. i will get him involved daily on the site. it has been a while since he has posted. consumed with life.

plenty to write about the next two days. i have many things to do & plenty of ass to kick!

no title

2008-03-03T05:20:00.000-08:00

there are not many of you. of course there is only one of me. scary thought? i have no title for this. no need. i have explained or elaborated on many different subjects in the last 6 months. a place to vent. be opinionated. i am me!

at this very moment my feet are petting "the lick." its at this moment i question myself. my being and what the hell i am doing. in the morning i am at peace and extremely calm. by the end of the day i am spun. i want to remain this calm in my mind. i notice my cruelty. every night i get in to it with "the lick"(my dog) i punish her for being the dog she is. its amazing the state of mind on my part and hers. the state being, our calm in the morning. by this afternoon, i will not want to deal with her. push her aside in the corner. "STAY!" yell obscenities about her eating habits and volume. stop her obsessed clean up after we eat. say one cruel thing after another again & again.... irony. i believe i made her the way she acts. neurotic. obsessed. high strung. in many ways she is the living dog of me. all things being true in the universe, it is me.

observe what you do, create and despise. the despise, just may be a part of you.

the sweat

2008-03-02T09:43:00.000-08:00

put a major sweat on last night. woke up in the middle of the night drenched with sweat. up at 8. feeling better. woke up to the birds outside my window. immediately got up and went for a walk. felt good to be outside instead of sitting on the couch all DAY! thats what i accomplished yesterday. accomplished?? well that is.... a word. accomplished getting better! today is my monday. gotta make it happen!

thinking about this starbucks closing for 3 hours the other day. people were bitching. complaining... why are they doing this?? quit your bitching. can you survive without starbucks for one day silly people of planet earth. there are other coffee shops. starbucks has a business to improve. doing what needs to be done to make things better. get over yourself and quit your BITCHING! "why can i not get my grande orange latte frappuccino with 2% at 98 degrees?"

GOT A HIGH MAINTENANCE??

waking up

2008-03-01T11:44:00.000-08:00

i woke up yesterday feeling under the weather. skipped yoga. took it easy. ran a fever all night. had the shakes at 2 am. this morning i felt as if i had a massive lump in my throat. still running a fever. sitting back and watching a movie. want to motivate and do some research on the web. percussion research.

its almost noon. cannot stand being sick. the weakness. no motivation. it sucks!

things fall apart and then you get up....

polyrythm is a pattern

2008-02-27T05:36:00.000-08:00

pol·y·rhythm [pol-ee-rith-uhm] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun Music.
-the simultaneous occurrence of sharply contrasting rhythms within a composition.

something new for me to learn. opportunity has struck again and its awesome to learn something new to improve. i look forward to the challenge! there are many bands and ideas to research. new drummers. new sound. its very exciting!

what else? yes, i am what else"ing" you. i am tired, but i will do it. no rest for the wicked.. another cliche. i have one minute and i am staring at this screen. drawing a blank.

time is up.....BLANK!

not easy to see

2008-02-25T05:26:00.000-08:00

not easy to see this morning. short on sleep. meeting extended my day and got home after 10pm. eating is another issue with these late nights. i assumed dinner would be provided. no dice. hungry when i arrive home & i gotta eat. its becoming a problem. yes i am involving you in my eating habits.... my best bet is to eat fruit and maybe some cheese. i could eat all day. maybe its my tapeworm? i figured my appetite would subside when i moved to the bay area, but for some reason it has increased...

what do i have this week? coffee just kicked in.... i am just staring off in to space. i have issues pending that are really bothering me. will not mention it here.

oh yeah this week. its the usual. i have a few more night shifts to work this week. jam session on wed night. hope to play with another new person this week.

as i sit here, i believe i have nothing to offer. no words of wisdom. well.... just don't let the man break you down. run over you. stand up for what you want. unless you say/do something about a situation, its your own damn fault for letting it happen... no excuses. something bothering you, face the problem, rather than ignore and resent.

i have a red couch. its a pull out futon. i sit on it every morning starting at 5:15am and write. usually get off at 5:45am. this is where my mind and body catch up.

its sunday

2008-02-24T07:26:00.000-08:00

its sunday. up early to get after it.. need to write. its is raining so hard right now that you can hear it on the roof. the wind. the rain. its extremely soothing. its foggy. green. i just dig it!

the last 2 days off were awesome. you already know about my day on friday. yesterday was household day. cleaning. grocery store. laundry. the ladies went to a birthday party sleep over. little d's friend. babers is a chaperon. 8 hormonal girls. i am glad to be at home safe with the door locked. that's to much emotion for me. got enough with one for now.... its a hand full!

after 3 the girls were gone and it was time to get on my kit. i love my kit. gretsch new classic in vintage glass nitron. removed the bass drum pad and let it rip. damn it thumps. every drum hits the mark. must get a 16x16 floor tom and a maple snare. in time. looking at pictures gives me ideas about how to configure my cymbals when i get more. still trying to find my sound. so. on the kit for about 3 hrs. rudiments. accent practice. practice 32nd notes. played with a few songs. after sitting at the kit for 3 hours i decided it was a good idea to get outside. took the "tongue" for a walk on the path. its was foggy and rainy. excellent way to decompress. came back. started a pizza. fed the "tongue". made a salad. sat back and ate. watching the matrix and practicing rudiments for another 30-40 minutes on the practice pad. used the metronome. i love to practice, b/c i know in the end all the rudiments i practice will be ingrained in my brain and without thinking, my playing will go to an amazing level. can already feel it happening!

its time to go.

an inspiring feeling

2008-02-22T19:23:00.000-08:00

an inspiring feeling occurred and i will explain. i put a post on craigslist wanting to play drums with anyone who is interested last week and i got many responses. one response led to a 2 hour session today. what an experience! we played songs they wrote. no jams. just song after song! for the first time tonight i was playing and i actually heard and understood a transition. while playing i had to count, remember what measure and think about how to fill. the second time it was played, i nailed it. amazing to hear the language for the first time. realize it. know it! KICK ITS ASS!

for the last 4 months i have been playing with a few people and it has been great. something i realized i am lacking is structure. the musicians i played with today are structured, experienced and want to work hard to play. that is what i want! if i played with a tight crew for 6 months, i would be shredding! that day will come very soon.

i know what i have to do......

2008-02-20T05:22:00.000-08:00

speak. speak in to the microphone. where is it. there it is. the is a slight fuzz to my temple. thank goodness my hand feels better. yelp. to help. is there a state in which i am in or is this a phase. this is a ay to get the words out. stream of consciousness. is there such a thing? stream. i have felt one of those before. who thinks this is an attempt to get motivated? motivation is needed in the world. its nothing like that you are use to. why is that i cannot go to the gas station with out being bombarded by advertising. who's idea was it put a tv at a gas pump. "they" think i cannot go 15 seconds without watch the boob tube?? same thing at "take over the world with cheap prices" wal mart. ahhh. i will just sit in line watch stupid ass ads and read even more pathetic magazine covers to make sure i am keeping up with which celebrity is beating there child or attempting to be a humanitarian. it got it...who the fuck cares! i got better things to do than care about celebrities in a bubble with there ego..

!

state of mind

2008-02-19T05:18:00.000-08:00

where is my state of mind?? its all over the map. i feel that its has a been a year since i last wrote. the weekend was unbelievable. went to tahoe. i am having some sort of problem explaining this part of the trip. malfunction. up early on friday in hopes of skiing a half day. did not happen. took the afternoon off and relaxed. saturday skied squaw for the first time. the weather was warm and beautiful. one run in particular got me back in the zone. directly under the gold coast express lift was an excellent line that me and the wife tore up. there is only one word to describe the conditions. "creamy!" it was so sweet! had a casual evening and was up at 6am to get back to SF for work.

this is where my state of mind comes in to play.... to be as dialed in as we are in five months is amazing, but i want more. with everything that has happened, there have been many sacrifices. my largest sacrifice is time. my time has become the machines time. i spend more time thinking about work than anything else. i am extremely conscious of this and anytime i have for myself, i meditate on what i want. on the bart i find myself cleansing my mind of the any happenings and making room for all that makes my world complete. what it comes down to. music. listening to the red hot chili peppers and i am mezmerized. kiedis with his voice and lyrics. frusciante melodically creating time. flea riping the bass & his back up vocals(rhcp would be nothing with out the back ups of flea). chad smith. chad killing the drums with his heavy beats of intention.. its all wrapped up to create the funk! these guys are having so much fun and i want a piece of the action. yes, i am sure its work at time. that all falls away when magic is created. i want to make music and make an incredible living at it!

my time is slowly becoming someone elses. i am remembering it is the year of the rat. i am rat. watch out, b/c i will be leading the way this year. it will all be mine in 08!

to mind

2008-02-13T05:36:00.000-08:00

there are many things that come to mind. the main theme. percussion. my drums are my passion. got a small jam in yesterday. so it goes....."you think, you stink" is very true. on the kit for about 10-15 min and i stopped thinking and let it go. it went. i will have to record my next you think you stink session.

the art of percussion is infinite. i like that!

definition

2008-02-12T05:20:00.000-08:00

con·se·quence (kŏn'sĭ-kwěns', -kwəns)
-noun

Something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition. See Synonyms at effect.
The relation of a result to its cause.
A logical conclusion or inference.

e·mo·tion [i-moh-shuhn]
–noun

1.	an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.

these are 2 words people of this planet need to understand. for the most part, a consequence is something many people do not understand. if someone does something, positive or negative, there is always a consequence or effect. action/reaction. many people believe that they can walk around this planet and do as they please with no consequences. that is where emotion comes to play. if the person is confronted about there actions, then there is always a emotional response. its not logical. its emotional. better yet, EXCUSES! explaining a consequence is not
a personal attack. it is a explanation of action and its immediate reaction. its not easy to hear. i get my feathers flustered when this occurs. be present. deal with the situation at hand. look at the situation and flip it. its knowing that it is going to improve your life. this in turn will make interacting with people more reasonable.

i could go on and on about this, but i believe you get the point!

snooze at 5am

2008-02-11T05:28:00.000-08:00

i hit snooze for the first time at 5am and i rose from the bed at 5:04am. for some reason i am better fot it. very alert and feeling good. normally if i hit snooze, its harder to get out of bed. the out/in of sleep scenario makes it hard, but not today.

short day today. that is why i love mondays! more time with little d! handball will be played this afternoon. will be nice to be in the sun again. 60 in february. use to 20 degree days and negative nights. not the case. i am sure more weather will hit us, but it feels good that the trend is on the sunny and warm side.

had a 2 hr break yesterday and enjoyed a walk around the city. still trying to get a feel for SF. need to find some spots to hang out during breaks. cafe of some sort. some where to people watch. went to an awesome music store called rasputin music. 4 floors of bliss.

time to go. trying to be cynical, but no need. state of mind is calm.

where have you been?

2008-02-10T07:30:00.000-08:00

where have i been? well. i took a few days off from writing. my days were entirely full and awesome! lets start with friday. up early and got little d prepared for school. off to another great yoga class. back home and discussing work with the wife. breakfast and dashed off to redwood city for a drum lesson. an hour later i am wailing on the drums learning more about 32nd notes and how to make it work on the kit. 2 o'clock and i am outta there and back to the east bay to pick up little d from school. come home, fix a snack and prepare to play handball. a few small disputes leaves little d and i perplexed and quiet.... the best part about the afternoon were rays off the sun. completely rejuvinating. babers finds us walking back from handball and entices us to continue the handball battle. another hour and we are back home relaxing. listening to "the dan". dinner. watch the tv and off to bed.

casual saturday morning. fresh cup o coffee. help little d make pancakes. watch spongebob. go for a walk. little d decided to roller blade, which was a nice change. the weather was so damn nice! i believe thats why the red hot chili peppers sing about california in every song. california kicks ass! anyway.... came home after the walk and finished up on laundry. played the drums for a long while and made progress. ate lunch. played more drums. little d wanted to try tennis. borrowed some rackets and played on the courts up the street. little d took to the game naturally. will get her some lessons. its was nice being outside! came home and little d was invited for a sleepover. i continued to play drums and do the laundry. babers drove little d to her friends and came back home for a late dinner. watched true lies and off to bed.

now. waking up to another beautiful day and preparing myself for the inevitable. work. first i will take a walk.

no issues at hand

2008-02-06T05:26:00.000-08:00

no issues at hand. sit on the couch this morning wondering. wondering nothing. just letting my thoughts flow. its something that comes just once in a while. take advantage and enjoy.

initiative . take the initiative and make something happen. i am formulating an email to do it! here i come.....

mantra

2008-02-05T05:34:00.000-08:00

there are times in which i sit and ponder about my state of mind. its overwhelming. frightening at times. in a matter of seconds i can remember something i want to mention and then.... then.... its gone. at 50 i will probably need a name badge and directions to my house. lost. this is me. show me the way home?

so in this time, i have a mantra. i want it to be one word, but it clearly needs to be two.

quiet & patience.

quiet:quiet my mind and think about what you wan to say or do.
patience:think before you speak. let things happen the way they will. you can not control.

le i don't know

2008-02-04T05:30:00.000-08:00

inside of my head i am reminded of one of my all time favorite cartoon characters. pepe le pew. some of the best one liners were created from this god among skunks. "i am still looking for you...." "hello baby." "Quelle est - Le belle femme skunk fatale." why does this make any sense at all? started with the expression le and this is where i have ended up. le. its an abbreviation. really. now i am just talking to myself. don't you get it yet?

i will get after it today! what else do i have today. hopefully i will be stress free today. i have a feeling i will be able to coax my way through today. in the middle of all of this, i have come to the conclusion i am unable to box my stress. in this case i will be aware of its presence. look at. crush it! move forward...thats the plan.

take a visit

2008-02-03T07:16:00.000-08:00

its safe now. you can take a visit. in the original movie, willy wonka and the chocolate factory there is a moment that reminds me of my brain. the entire cast walks down a hall that keeps getting smaller. "my realities become dreams & all my dreams become realities." willy opens the door and there is his dreamland of chocolate. that scene reminds me of my brain. i am the gatekeeper to all the secrets. the mystery. to enter you must know the secret password played with your finger tips. all is calm now, but there is chaotic potential.

yesterday was a good day. housework. drums. paid my bills.

today is my monday. i have plenty to do. lets kick some ass!

the calm

2008-02-02T12:53:00.000-08:00

took care of myself last night. practiced rudiments for 2 hrs last night. ate dinner. lost my brain last night watching tv. needed the rest. i have woken up with a new ounce of vigor. house work today. cleaning. laundry. drums!

in my intense brain moments, i will breathe. i have a sense of calm. i feel much safer.

system overload

2008-02-01T14:17:00.000-08:00

this morning i woke up fresh and then schizophrenic. there are days when i cannot control my own being. there is untapped potential. ideas to harness. it gets to loud at times and i am unable to do anything except be. it is extremely exciting and scary at the same time. i have to slow down and be conscious of every decision, especially when i am speaking. its sort of a porky pig "ism".

some how i have made it this far today. meditated for 15-20 minutes today and that really helped! got after it ever since. writing ideas. helping the wife move into her new studio. thats the picture inside the studio. fresh coat of paint. what a smell.... her new platform to kick some ass! i am extremely excited for her. its starting for her and there are only greater things to come!

tonight is my night. drums. dinner. drums. tv. it will be a good night!

opportunity knocks

2008-01-30T05:28:00.000-08:00

opportunity knocked yesterday & i answered back. i have some things to get down on paper. pitching a lot of my ideas. what i want? what i can do with them. i want to inspire people to greatness. inspire people to grow. everyone can grow a little more to attain more peace and clarity. its all about being in the present and attacking the task at hand. there is plenty of noise out there that can cloud your judgment. choose to put all the noise aside and be clear about how and what you do. when you are clear, everything comes easier. example: why let your day be ruined by something as simple as spilling your coffee? laugh at the accident. embrace it. your life still continues. you have a choice!

in conclusion.....everyone has a choice and will live there life by those choices. if you choose to kick ass and talk about all the ASS kicking you will do, then you WILL KICK ASS! if you choose to bitch and complain about the man keeping you down, THE MAN WILL KEEP YOU DOWN. so which is it going to be?? i believe you know what i will do!

the time is right now! think about it.....

leadership

2008-01-29T05:25:00.000-08:00

leadership is something i have been lacking & with a little encouragement from the wife, leadership is what i will strive for. we arrived in SF with a fresh prospective and it has been vanquished within a few months. frustration. red tape. paper work. no more. i have an opportunity to make real change. it starts today! i choose not to be stressed anymore. i have been taking on stress for some unknown reason and i have made a conscious decision to turn it around. stress will become my strength. the moment i start to stress, i will breathe deeply and breathe it out. no more holding in. its time to make a move!

shadows by the moon

2008-01-28T05:15:00.000-08:00

as i woke this morning i walked out of my bedroom and noticed a shadow by the moon, casting through the window on to the counter and floor. unusual because of all the bad weather. no chance to get rays from the sun or moon! speaking of the sun, i need to get some rays. will help nurture my soul. hopefully on my days off, the days will be bright.

i(we are) am out here on the west coast doing it! its not easy, but i am doing it. just the other day i was chatting with the wife and she mentioned the greatness of california. if it only took us 4 months to get plugged in, then in a very short time things are really going to happen. what a great comment. in a few short months, our family has seen some major change and we have embraced it with our souls, knowing it will be for the better! more great things will happen and we are prepared. its only a matter of time before we get everything we want.....

content

2008-01-27T06:01:00.000-08:00

staring at this screen, i am attempting to write. its sunday. a cheesy stallone movie is on. my coffee is to my right. its raining outside. i am extremely content. no need to inspire on a sunday. you should already be inspired to be content. sit back, relax and think of what you have. in a place of gratitude, more will come.

something new to learn

2008-01-26T08:38:00.000-08:00

i have challenged myself to learn something new and it has changed my life. percussion. skins. drums. it is the driving force in my life. i am amazed at the capacity and speed i have learned. i am extremely driven to become a drummer. i want to say master, but i am not sure i will ever master the drums. thats why i keep going. its the process of learning. no matter how hard i try, i will not become a great drummer overnight. thats what makes it so great! i am in no hurry. the journey is what makes it great. yesterday for instance. practiced on the drums for 2 hrs. learning more accents and the process of fitting those accents as fills in 16th and 32nd notes. then i learned a new score from clayton fillyau of james brown. please, please, please(1963). it blows me away that i am able to take what i have learned, read and apply it to the kit. its my hard work and dedication to the instrument. it is also b/c i have two amazing drum teachers. these guys have molded me in to the drummer i am today and i am extremely grateful!

applying what i have learned, i have been able to set the tone with my new jam members. the other night we were jamming away and decided to take our funk to the main stage. i know i have already written about this, but its so cool. got on the kit and let her rip. another guitarist got in on the mix and we kicked some ass! immediately have that buzz feeling. closed my eyes and counted the groove. that is a feeling i want to aspire to all the time on the kit. in the pocket. listening for changes. kicking some ass!

to wrap it up. its been a year and a half since i have taken up the drums. i have come a long way and there are more challenges ahead. excellent! aspire to greatness. learn something new. take on a new challenge that will change your life. the quick fix american way will not cure the desire for change. real, life inspiring change. learn. apply. kick some ass!

content & prosperity

2008-01-24T06:14:00.000-08:00

yesterday was a day i had to dig deep. 5 hours of sleep did me well in the end. work balanced itself out. not sure how it happened, but things have become lighter. it shows in the employees & there actions. i was able to leave on time. got home. stretched to get some of the kinks out. got little d. dishes. laundry. dinner. and then. an unbelievable jam. best part of my day! an hour jamming with lead s. bass player d arrived shortly after improving his chops on the drums. short funk jam turned in to moving to the main hall where we in sighted a coup. wrangled another guitarist and went for it! amazing jam and i was totally in the zone! nice to play with a new person. better to gel with my com padres. we are really coming together.

in 3 minutes i must go. observation yesterday. leadership is everything. it inspires and destroys negative vibes. incredible potential. there are times when you must come down hard, but there are times when it can be flipped and used for the better. its all about the delivery...

Torture Lesson, 01/23/08

2008-01-23T16:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Diary,

Today I rode my brother-in-law's ancient, unforgivably red Bianchi eighteen-speed racing bike which he loaned me in anticipation of a triathlon and which I used previously in a sprint triathlon. (I scored 270 out of 650. I accepted masochism unconditionally -- that day.)

By the by, I acquired a swanky, oddly-comported "trainer" apparatus enabling the bike's conversion into a cumbersome, unquiet, indoor torture device. Aside from the bent derailer's perpetual clicking noises (nice echoes in a one-bedroom apartment with hardwood floors -- no area rug -- twelve-foot ceilings, etc.) and the boredom, this reconfiguration brings me unlimited amounts of physical pain, the focus of which I notice channeling through my coccyx. My coccyx. I am not an idiot. I wear marginally-fashionable, expensive, well-padded biking shorts with a brand name and a less-fashionable, brand-named, specialized biking undergarment. That said, after six dutiful rides, I'm no less crippled. I sit a lot. I enjoy sitting (a lot). John Cleese reportedly listed his hobbies once as "gluttony, sloth." I am not John Cleese, but apparently I'm tangentially related at least insofar as our hobbies go. This "trainer" hindrance is intolerable. As a former, sadistic colleague of mine once slowly said through his wry smile, after hearing I needed a molar pulled, "you'll get used to it."

If these are my problems, things could probably be worse.

to the bone

2008-01-23T05:21:00.000-08:00

there is something to be said for working to the bone. you realize what you are/are not capable of..? its the brink. being pushed. adding more to the pot. wait a minute, here is some more. i know your file is full, but make it work. know that it can be done. it will get done. failure is not an option. i love that!

to conclude this piece, i want to mention my activity yesterday: up at 6. write on no name. get little d up for school. breakfast and lunch for her. go for a jog. breakfast for myself. finish week 2 of the schedule. call for salary information. shower. lunch. do the dishes. find out i need to go to work. play the skins for 2 hrs strong. get ready and get little d prepared for some work. take the bart to SF. arrive at 5:30pm. prepare for sale. little d departs. continue marking and pricing. exit work at 11pm. catch the 11:09pm bart. home at 11:50pm. decompress by watching the tube. in bed at 12:30am. wake up at 5am.

what did you do yesterday?

no glasses

2008-01-22T06:14:00.000-08:00

no glasses this morning as i type this segment. retraining my eyes. i have my hands full with work this morning, but i will make the next hour mine! always curious about other bloggers so i scrolled through "next blog". its interesting to see what people place out in to the public domain. food, animation, redesigning websites & green monsters. all sites for viewing. its public. we invite the public in to our live for recognition. its makes us feel warm and fuzzy, to a degree. wanted. similar to the facebook concept. yes it is true i am a member, but it bores me. it got old after a week. challenge someone to a movie quiz. slap someone(with a stroke of a key). scrabble. there are all these things we do on facebook to get recognition. the friends list. grant imahara is my friend, who are you friends with?? its a competition that is a complete phi sod. does it make you feel better if you have a friends list a mile long...."oh yeah, look at all my friends". especially when they are famous/infamous. are they really your friends?? no. they are a picture on your screen. look at it closer and you will find that you are further away from yourself than ever. its a complete distraction to keep you from doing what needs to be done. work. learning. ass kicking. to conclude this rant, one might say i am also a victim. true. but i believe this platform is a source of betterment. my words, along with panel six, hit the web with a ton of bricks. we are not the norm and choose to invite people in to our lives for inspiration, not justification.

accountability

2008-01-21T14:24:00.000-08:00

accountability is at issue -- personal responsibility -- responsibility to self, responsibility to beliefs, convictions, action, consistency. live by ideals. choose, set, maintain standards.

let us pray.

stress

2008-01-21T06:18:00.000-08:00

i know i have felt stress in my life. unlike any other period in my life, i have a pain in my chest from work. there are times when the job overwhelms me and there is little to do but stress and get heavy. this is where my mind can take over and make my body feel worse. i have to practice taking care of myself and taking a moment to breathe. all of the tasks can get done, it just takes more effort to use your time wisely. one situation turns in to another, turns in to another and the next thing you know, your day is over.... not enough time for office work, which is something i have to do ALL THE TIME!

its the job. i love it! manage my stress. i sit here and think how the hell am i going to fit it all in? no sleep. up late. up early.

manage the stress:breathe, run, yoga, skins, meditate, & stop!

fresh 32nd

2008-01-20T06:25:00.000-08:00

in the morning i am fresh and clear to hit it! my feet are up on the coffee table and i am preparing for my day of uncontrollable chaos. wait a moment. i have no time to put my feet up.

so while on the bart i love to observe people and what they do. one thing i notice is eaves reading. i do it. we all probably do it. some one else is close to you with a paper or magazine. off in space you want something to read. in a flash you have read a word or two and then you quickly look away. what have you gained from these few words. similar to looking at someone and then they look in your direction. quickly you look away and ....."i was not looking at you...nope, nope. just looking around." then there is the i am looking and you make eye contact. complete strangers making eye contact and what do you do?? look away and act as if nothing happened. how can we forget the game players. the ds. blackberries. ipod. these are all distractions while on public transportation. are they inherently good or bad?? i am a victim sometimes. its funny to see all types of adults and kids buried in gadgets. your face is so close to the screen. nothing going on but the distraction....

this week i am super busy with work. i plan on bringing some work home with me. has to be done. outside of that i will play the skins as often as i can. its an element that was missing the last 3 months. my playing improved b/c i started playing with people, but i know i can be better. committed to playing/practicing 3-4 times a week. that includes time on the bart. i want my playing to be better. always striving to be better & learn. that's the ticket. to learn!

from the inside

2008-01-19T11:46:00.000-08:00

it's interesting how, perceiving a future absence of something causes anxiety -- a feeling of loss in advance of the actual loss. such it is now, in what should be "those lean sweet desperate hours" just before enormous change that, planning to again trek westward, i somehow miss the colonial brick structures and substantial weather of the east. of course, perception is everything. (maybe it's not "interesting," but simply reveals a seemingly illogical emotional response -- but then emotion defies logic. "if you miss x, don't leave x.") the value of x is then derived only by the threat of absence of x. ridiculous. chase your tail, dog. mongrel. "carnival dogs."

time, perspective allow for a 360-degree image (or the most fully-formed image we'll ever generate) of where we are at any given place in time. deconstructing the idea, intriguing to me as it is, is a waste of time. i believe we all occupy a super-position in the manner of the physics term, borrowed by alan moore. that is, per moore: "It ["we" in my analogy] holds meaning and shape, but no solution. Quantum uncertainty, unable to determine both a particle's location and its nature necessitates that we map every possible state of the particle. Its super-position."

too much time on my hands -- "idle hands are the devil's tools!" i best exit and return to various duties of sloth (satan? belial? will we find cocytus together?), although the time to do practical things approaches inexorably.

something said

2008-01-18T05:18:00.000-08:00

small screen today. new font. gonna try and spend some time cleaning up my site this weekend. not that i will have much time b/c i will be working. it will get done. jam went really well last night. monitors with head sets completely kick ass! still like the old school noise making way, but this will improve our playing. gotta pick a few funky grooves to get in the mix.

dead air in my head. five hour nap and will hit it hard today.

massive screen

2008-01-17T05:19:00.000-08:00

i sit in front of massive screen. 24 inches of blinding technology...SWEET!

first day of work yesterday and i was a zombie. again, i need coffee! tuesdays travel day was good. early and able to do things around the house before hitting the grind.

observation. what is the deal with getting in to a shuttle and for some reason the driver believes its ok to express his every want and opinion to a stranger. tueday mornings driver had to let me know how the colorado representatives where screwing elk hunters out of money. a herd in estes park needs to be thinned and apparently the government is paying top dollar to have this done. hunters enter in to a raffle and are chosen to use any tactic necessary to hunt and kill over 1500 elk. "the shuttle driver" wants the youth or handicapped hunters to do the job instead of paying out money to "regular joe" hunters. so! so... rolling my eyes i try and engage. "maybe its a liability issue?" the elk roam estes park freely and when i say freely, i mean right in town. so i am thinking it would be a dangerous job and there is a possibility that someone could get hurt. "no says the shuttle driver." the government is using my money to have regular hunters to thin the herd. ok... i could go on and on about this and he had more things to discuss, but i could only walk away thinking one thing. if this is your problem, you have SERIOUS issues! there are serious issues coming to a head in this country and elk is not one of them!

perception is reality. obviously the shuttle drivers perception is this issue with elk and the government. my perception is why is this guy bitching at me when i do not know him and i am getting on a plane to california..?? one good thing came out of his mouth. he and his buddies were formulating a letter to his state representative. did not see that coming, but that is a step i have never taken, good for you mr shuttle driver.

it just amazes me how people involve strangers in to there lives. bitching on cellphones. trapping people in shuttles. i would never in a million years involves a customer in any kind of political conversation. so unprofessional. maybe its part of the job as a shuttle/taxi driver. is that part of the interview process?? "if in a cab, what comment would you make about the political state of the congo?"

The Please Song

2008-01-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

here is a ditty from trick and little d. enjoy!

turf

2008-01-13T15:16:00.000-08:00

back on my old turf. feels really relaxing and safe. walking the streets. seeing people i have not seen or heard from in 4 months. its nice. i miss it & i cannot wait to get back to my new home. i know that is a contradiction, but its true. good to be here, but ready to get back to it in california.

skied my ass off yesterday! over the head face shots in some areas. really sweet!

i sit here on a guest bed watching football. not the norm for me. i am relaxed. how am i doing this? its what i need to recharge.

so i just had a confrontation as a house guest. ex husband of woman that we are staying with just got back from his ski day. asked if the game was on. he asked, "mind if i join you?" i answered, i would much rather watch the game by myself. he answered "...oh.. thanks." this is a guy i do not like and would note enjoy having hour long conversations about himself and his problems. that would ruin my day. its right to speak your mind and what you want! super important. its also another way this guy feels he can get his ex wife back. trying to pry his way in. that would be similar to prying yourself in to a safe with a toothpick... not going to happen!

from where to what

2008-01-10T06:35:00.000-08:00

so. SO! its my friday and i its time to get out of town. this time off is going to be great! well deserved for everyone in my family.

everything seems much more doable since the holiday season is over! its amazing what can be done once you set your mind to something. the last 3-4 months have been chaos. embracing the chaos was all i could do. now that the dust has settled, it seems easy. i was laughing at the dinner table last saying how light things feel. i look forward to the flow in 2008! it will be a good year! one more exclamation point and kick some ass!

ill

2008-01-09T05:31:00.000-08:00

i have been sick since monday. much better now, but the sniffles are still lingering.... oh well, it is what it is! it has been a busy and casual week. its nice when things simmer down in the retail world. i am sitting here idle wondering what to write. unfortunately it is another morning where i have another awful song in my head. multiple songs. the other day i came in after work and my wife was watching the sound of music. not a fan! critically acclaimed my ass! anyway, i suffered in passing and the songs they sang made me wan to vomit! what is with the repeating song. is it a song if someone sings "bread and jam" over and over and OVER?? and then there is idle weiss. my mind is crying right now...

2 more days of work and the i am out of town for 5 days. wifes art opening and skiing. got a jam tonight. look forward to playing! time to get after it!

at busy

2008-01-07T05:18:00.000-08:00

i have a friend coming to town today. he left me a message the other day commenting on my outgoing message(does this sequence make sense?). "i would like to know what you kick ass at since you are now in the city?" this ia guy whom i use to ski. a guru. taught me everything i know about tree skiing. so the answer is, of course i kick ass in the city! does not matter if you are on a beach, in the mountains or living in a city. you are capable of kicking ass anywhere you go! this is me telling you to do so. nothing will stop me from doing what i want. i am sick as crap right now and i am not letting the little germ win! get after it!

in the morning

2008-01-06T06:57:00.000-08:00

i feel so fresh in the morning. last night was a tough night of sleep, but i got some zzzz's i woke up a bunch between 11-1. not sure why. my brain has finally caught up with my body and i am feeling better every day. needed these days off to get refreshed. a nice big yawn and no i am back in to the groove.

i have released my anger. there is no need to be so angry. i have the support of my family. i have a great job. i get to play the drums. i basically get what i need. the dust will settle more and everything will fall more in to place.

considering what i want to 2008. the list goes. the dream board has not been created, but i have the thoughts in my head every day. patience, money, compassion & love! more time for family, drums, music and exercise! i will get all of this and more. time to kick some more ass!

the 3

2008-01-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

the last 24hrs have been difficult. i figured something out. i want to be angry. why? because its easy. for some reason i have been dead set on being angry and it hit me... what the hell am i doing? so as i woke up this morning, i found myself overrun with emotion. it took an hour to get out of bed. since i have been up i have considered many options. my overall need and want is happiness & love. i have both of these, but for some reason my anger has taken over.. no more. i choose not to be angry any more. there will be moments of weakness, but i will overcome, defeat & conquer! watch out 2008, i am going to kick some ass!

to challenge the soul

2008-01-02T05:24:00.000-08:00

jan 2. 2008. this computer is in my lap and as usual i am thinking about work. work has become my life in the last 4 months. gotta make that change. don't get me wrong, i love the work, but i am fried like marsh mellows in oil... need a break and piece of mind. took time last night and went for a walk. played the drums and then took it easy. felt normal but so tired. got some good z's last night. need more.

will attempt to leave work early. its funny, but i need to try.

my brain is flooded with information. the new year has started with a boom.

what am i trying to say? what ever it is, there are answers somewhere.....

so called resolutions for 2008

2008-01-01T05:20:00.000-08:00

the thought of resolutions for 2008 makes me wonder. resolutions are held in such high regard. "for 2008, i will be a better......", quit this, eat less of that and so on and so forth. someone asked me the question yesterday. of course he thought i was someone else, but then considered to listen to my answer. i do not have any resolutions. i have goals that i wish to set for myself. i have a short list that i will create in to a dream board. a concept i learned from my wife. if i can see it, i will have it. goals and wants are visualized over and over again until it is manifested. tonight i will put my ideas together. will post in the a.m.

KICK SOME ASS IN 2008!

last day of 07

2007-12-31T07:27:00.000-08:00

it comes once a year. the new year begins tomorrow and everything will be great. time to create a new dream board to set myself up for success!

yesterday was a stressful day. people. people shock me with there needs. its amazing how people act and treat others this time of the year.

watching tv in the morning or anytime, this time of the year is hilarious. quit smoking. lose weight... its all at your finger tips with a magic pill. do it yourself. get in and do the work. its a life style change, not a "take a pill and be cured" change.

busy morning and then work. gotta get after it. what are you doing?

just another day

2007-12-30T07:27:00.000-08:00

have not been in the writing mood the last few days. burnt from the retail onslaught. my brain is flat. its shows in many areas but i am still driving the mother ship. things will be easier. as i said, come january, things will change.

saturday was the best day out of the 2 days off. played the skins for hours. need more. for the first time in a while, my wrist started to hurt. i will be putting more time in on the drums now that things have cooled down. that excites me. music is where its at for me!

for 08. family, more drums, less work, yoga, tattoos and ass kicking!

return

2007-12-26T05:25:00.000-08:00

nothing but returns today. should be interesting. yesterday was a good day. no way no how did it feel like christmas. use to being surrounded by snow. strange it is.

today is a day i must breathe. need to be calm and collected for 2 more days. then i can relax.. i think. as i stare off in to nothing i have no answer.

do the job. do it well. leave. i am on the path. the war is here. i can fight or quit. fight. the words of a so called samurai warrior.

CH'I

2007-12-24T04:43:00.000-08:00

for the last few days my energy has been wild. i believe it has been enough to throw my watch off. my watch has been jumping anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours fast. had the thought last night. while at work i had a massive dizzy spell. then nausea. then my body became increasingly fuzzy with energy. mostly my head. is it the winter solstice? is it the full moon? all i know is that i am on fire! it feels right.

so i have been thinking about death since it has touched my family again. death is so taboo. mostly because we all fear it to some extent. what to say to someone when a loved one dies. can you be more creative than "he/she is in a better place?" excuse me, but how the fuck do you know? so why is it taboo in a society dripping with openness. you will bring your conversations to everyones attention on your cell phone while on the street, in a cab or on public transit. dehumanize someone while everyone listens. everyone can hear. so tell me....what will you say?

48 degrees

2007-12-23T06:22:00.000-08:00

its 48 degrees in my house. its 6:25 am. 5 hrs of sleep and i am ready to go. sort of. tired. yesterday was a hell of a busy day. glad i took the extra hour of sleep. will need everything i got today. i can see my breath. my brain is flat right now. maybe the world is flat too? the way people act sometimes makes me believe that may be true. what is the point telling all of you(1 or 2 people) what people are capable of saying. you know....

2 new words in my vocabulary i love to use. disdain & conundrum. try them some time.

dis·dain : [dis-deyn, di-steyn]Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –verb (used with object)

1.	to look upon or treat with contempt; despise; scorn.

2.	to think unworthy of notice, response, etc.; consider beneath oneself: to disdain replying to an insult.

co·nun·drum : [kuh-nuhn-druhm] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	a riddle, the answer to which involves a pun or play on words, as What is black and white and read all over? A newspaper.

2.	anything that puzzles.

have the best day you can and kick some ass!