Well, here we are again, just you and me.  

And me.

meditation

on a morning of meditation. gratitude. that is what this life is about. what you have. not what you do not have. is that a double negative?? in any case, be grateful and the world and its abundance will roll within you like the tide rising.

love your life. i love mine.

now get up off your ass and do something about it!

words from a trick

TRUE NATURE AND SPEAK UP

that was the theme of my day yesterday. true nature & speak up. both were incredible experiences.

true nature. on a strangers drum kit in front of a crowd of unknowns. first time! nerves, but held together. immediately in the zone and stayed. i thought of nothing but the groove. staying in the pocket. when there is you and nothing else, in your mind, that is true nature. it is bliss!

speak up. speak up took courage. necessary and held my ground. felt good. now i know i can go toe to toe without fear. walk softly now, the fight is over. speak up when needed. i will not be intimidated. be assertive and let your warrior out when necessary!

i will not forget 7.13.2008. now move forward!

the trick

fearless

the goal is to be fearless. it is a balance. there was only so much i could take and the decision was made to take a stand. addreneline. sweat. fear. all were present and accounted for. pushed through and said what i had to say. repercussions? yes. regret? NO! i took a huge step yesterday. this radical change has inspired. more work is to be done. shift your mind to get a piece.

life is to short to walk in fear.

the trick

crispy

for those who may be done. done is a word i use to express my uneasiness. for why and what is it for. a career. its not that the grass is greener, its just the same grass. ....
.....
......
if having a career means not having a life, no time to exercise and missing my family than the towel is about to be thrown.

......

i hold the answers. only i can change the path.

meditate the night away and more answers will be revealed in awaking moments

disappointed

tired. disappointed. the opportunity, but no go.

again i sit outside. the sun soothing my face. listening to discussions between birds. they seem happy, but you can tell when they are agitated by another bird. the song. the chase. pecking.

it all seems to be a blur. i must find the gratitude in all of this.

5 elements of gratitude about my job.
1.
2.
3
4.
5.

i am too tired to think. i will eat and get back to this. funny how its blank?

its not

its not that i am unhappy, i just want more...

i must begin with gratitude. more will come from that...

to the test

i am being put to the test. i am willing to do the work, but it will cost other members of the team. ownership. discipline. listening. helping. there has to be give and take, not just take. i have serious things to think about to make the proper changes.

this comes at the end of a 2 week period that has been full of challenges. the answers are unclear.

i sit here watching the sun rise, listening to the crickets communicate.

the oracle

the oracle has an answer for me. similar to neo. i have the gift, but i am waiting. that is just the push i need. i already know the answer. it is something greater than this. its all about the presentation. waiting for the universe to present. not idle. focusing the energy out there for change and it will happen.

it has already shifted.

&

waiting for the phone to ring. its the last day of 4. relaxed and preparing for another day. its in the moment i choose to survive. there is no other way. i would not say i wake up overwhelmed. i wake up aware of something else. something else for me. my life. our lives. for the betterment of my soul & being. its right there and it will show itself. it is happening the way it should be.

believe

-the trick

the manifest

man·i·fest /ˈmænəˌfɛst/ Pronunciation Key - [man-uh-fest]
-verb
3.to make clear or evident to the eye or the understanding; show plainly

i am here. the manifest. the mind. believe. it is a must!

i am on the path.

beginning the question

ques·tion - /ˈkwɛstʃən/ Pronunciation[kwes-chuhn] Pronunciation Key
–noun
1.a sentence in an interrogative form, addressed to someone in order to get information in reply.
2.a problem for discussion or under discussion; a matter for investigation.
3.a matter of some uncertainty or difficulty; problem

this is where i am. the question. this is a positive area for me. my body and mind question what i am doing, as a career. is it inspiring me? am i growing? is it what i am here to do. getting the 8 yr itch! itching for new and inspiring. the soul toucher. do i want to sell a product produced by someone else or do i want to sell myself and what i want?

i am listening to a hornet chew on our fence. for what reason does a hornet chew on wood?

i have the day. writing. yoga. rudiments. walk the dog. a movie with little d.
dinner with the family. thats the plan.

the day will be full of questions. its my way right now. feel a good change coming on. a change to settle in to SF and all it has to offer. i will put it out there and remain patient.

i am not waiting for an answer. i am creating my destiny!

in the jungle

in the distance you can hear the highway. car after car, motorcycle after 18 wheeler. close by, i am listening to a jungle. i am outside, feet in the grass, sun rising, listening to a host of birds doing their morning ritual. the songs. laughing. conversing. debating. it is quite beautiful. this is why i love mornings. fresh. the highway noise is growing. just in the last 5 minutes its grown. geese just flew over my head.

tough night of sleep last night. it was hot. noise from the highway. i got about 5-6 hrs. i think i will be ok. off to work shortly. this is day six, with 3 more to go. completely screwy schedule, but the payoff is soon! 4 day weekend.

i am not going to complain. i have plenty to say, but it will get me no where. sometimes i feel that i am a cat chasing its tail. it has to end at some point. trying to be conscious about it.

in a chair, feet chilly from the ground, sipping coffee. this is where i feel the energy! no hustle, just present state of mind, enjoying the moment!

-the trick

convoluted

running on about 6 hours slep. the brain becomes convoluted and consumed with information. remember to stay in the present & remain calm at all costs! anger & frustration are the enemy. its not worth it. it clouds the judgment and creates more chaos.

i'm eating, drinking coffee and have no where else to go with this.

-trick

the couch again. this thing is so uncomfortable. i should stop watching the tv and do more. music. write. bills. whatever. its time to change positions and create more.

easy to fall back on old habits.

today. a talent show. work. meeting. try and get back in the groove. its been a while since i have been to work. days off and the injury.


dream last night. fueling the car. fire started. watched the flames spread. assessed the situation. grabbed a fire extinguisher and put the flames out.

observation. watching the candidates and footage. please tell me why someone thinks its cool to go up on stage and point up and out, apparently to someone the candidate knows.... its the entire package. the walk. look. the point. the smile. what the hell.

day 3

day 3. everything is feeling good! pain every now and again but the shoulder feels good. it is going to be a speedy recovery. hand stands in 4 weeks. not an issue.

i sit and think. settle in and think about repairs. heal my shoulder. quiet my mind. everything is happening the way it should. i have mental and physical work to do. i will be stronger both mentally and physically. it goes back to strength. i have it. use it. its tested and i do not waiver. make a wall. destroy it. its been that way my entire life. obstacles do not keep me from getting what i want.

this ice on my shoulder feels good!

to the injury

i sit here in a sling. yesterday i dislocated my left shoulder doing a hand stand. i definitely cursed up a storm. 30 seconds. then the calm. frustration. pain. the why? my day is fucked! the calm and community. immediately other members of the class came to my need. talking to me. breathing with me. in my latest writing of goals i told the universe i was going to have a community of friends with common interests. that happened yesterday. everyone shared my pain. my frustration. it was beautiful! i am extremely grateful for all of them.

what is the lesson? is it trust? trusting yourself? trusting your partner? trusting your inner voice? well its multiple lessons and i am still sorting through the thoughts.

a revelation in the shower came to me in a flood. our instructor at the beginning of class mentioned kula which means community. coming together as a community and learning. she spoke of the class level and that there may be some poses that may be difficult. try and play. its about knowing what you can do, but you can at least try. excellent to go back and remember those moments.

for me, as i sort out the emotions. trusting your inner voice and what it tells you. my partner at the time. i do not know her. i believe she may be devestated. i send her thoughts of compassion and gratitude. i hope to see her again and help her through the fear. will you conquer the fear or will you be defeated? conquer! search and destroy..with compassion!

trust and fear

what to observe

i ride the bart. i walk to work. there is so much to see.

its similar to the starbucks mom syndrome.

teenager. big 80's style glasses. hollister sweatshirt. ipod. blackberry. sucking back on a jamba juice. (every other word is like) forever 21 shopping bag. sitting next to her is her friend, wearing a similar arrangement. mom is behind them, trying not to be noticed.

its amazing what we have become. driven by capitalism. i was taught the same principles. took years of unlearning. when i get money, i have to really think about what i want(which is a really good thing). before i would just spend to spend.

interesting to see it all over again.

the zone continues

this is great. the zone continues! its an overwhelming feeling. floating.

today is my friday and i will be treating myself. i have the next few days to myself. this afternoon i am going to go exchange my cymbal for another one. maybe this king was right. 10" splashes are for poofs. its just not working for me. gonna get a larger crash and call it good. no need for more than that.

now. its time to eat and get caffeinated.

here i go....

purple potato

i know how to spell potato. ever experienced a purple potato? interesting when expecting a white one. its a medley of potato's...

wheels are in motion. i have put myself out there and we shall see what happens. its exciting being in the flow. at the dinner table last night, the wife and i were commenting on being in the zone. it is a feeling to embrace!

its time to find my place in sf. its coming. i have my mantra. now its the universes turn to deliver the answer. it will be interesting to see how this one plays out! if you only new my mantra. is it something you need. want? do you have your own? its all about what you want. the energy will find its way to you.