its sunday

its sunday. up early to get after it.. need to write. its is raining so hard right now that you can hear it on the roof. the wind. the rain. its extremely soothing. its foggy. green. i just dig it!

the last 2 days off were awesome. you already know about my day on friday. yesterday was household day. cleaning. grocery store. laundry. the ladies went to a birthday party sleep over. little d's friend. babers is a chaperon. 8 hormonal girls. i am glad to be at home safe with the door locked. that's to much emotion for me. got enough with one for now.... its a hand full!

after 3 the girls were gone and it was time to get on my kit. i love my kit. gretsch new classic in vintage glass nitron. removed the bass drum pad and let it rip. damn it thumps. every drum hits the mark. must get a 16x16 floor tom and a maple snare. in time. looking at pictures gives me ideas about how to configure my cymbals when i get more. still trying to find my sound. so. on the kit for about 3 hrs. rudiments. accent practice. practice 32nd notes. played with a few songs. after sitting at the kit for 3 hours i decided it was a good idea to get outside. took the "tongue" for a walk on the path. its was foggy and rainy. excellent way to decompress. came back. started a pizza. fed the "tongue". made a salad. sat back and ate. watching the matrix and practicing rudiments for another 30-40 minutes on the practice pad. used the metronome. i love to practice, b/c i know in the end all the rudiments i practice will be ingrained in my brain and without thinking, my playing will go to an amazing level. can already feel it happening!

its time to go.

an inspiring feeling

an inspiring feeling occurred and i will explain. i put a post on craigslist wanting to play drums with anyone who is interested last week and i got many responses. one response led to a 2 hour session today. what an experience! we played songs they wrote. no jams. just song after song! for the first time tonight i was playing and i actually heard and understood a transition. while playing i had to count, remember what measure and think about how to fill. the second time it was played, i nailed it. amazing to hear the language for the first time. realize it. know it! KICK ITS ASS!

for the last 4 months i have been playing with a few people and it has been great. something i realized i am lacking is structure. the musicians i played with today are structured, experienced and want to work hard to play. that is what i want! if i played with a tight crew for 6 months, i would be shredding! that day will come very soon.

i know what i have to do......

speak. speak in to the microphone. where is it. there it is. the is a slight fuzz to my temple. thank goodness my hand feels better. yelp. to help. is there a state in which i am in or is this a phase. this is a ay to get the words out. stream of consciousness. is there such a thing? stream. i have felt one of those before. who thinks this is an attempt to get motivated? motivation is needed in the world. its nothing like that you are use to. why is that i cannot go to the gas station with out being bombarded by advertising. who's idea was it put a tv at a gas pump. "they" think i cannot go 15 seconds without watch the boob tube?? same thing at "take over the world with cheap prices" wal mart. ahhh. i will just sit in line watch stupid ass ads and read even more pathetic magazine covers to make sure i am keeping up with which celebrity is beating there child or attempting to be a humanitarian. it got it...who the fuck cares! i got better things to do than care about celebrities in a bubble with there ego..

!

state of mind

where is my state of mind?? its all over the map. i feel that its has a been a year since i last wrote. the weekend was unbelievable. went to tahoe. i am having some sort of problem explaining this part of the trip. malfunction. up early on friday in hopes of skiing a half day. did not happen. took the afternoon off and relaxed. saturday skied squaw for the first time. the weather was warm and beautiful. one run in particular got me back in the zone. directly under the gold coast express lift was an excellent line that me and the wife tore up. there is only one word to describe the conditions. "creamy!" it was so sweet! had a casual evening and was up at 6am to get back to SF for work.

this is where my state of mind comes in to play.... to be as dialed in as we are in five months is amazing, but i want more. with everything that has happened, there have been many sacrifices. my largest sacrifice is time. my time has become the machines time. i spend more time thinking about work than anything else. i am extremely conscious of this and anytime i have for myself, i meditate on what i want. on the bart i find myself cleansing my mind of the any happenings and making room for all that makes my world complete. what it comes down to. music. listening to the red hot chili peppers and i am mezmerized. kiedis with his voice and lyrics. frusciante melodically creating time. flea riping the bass & his back up vocals(rhcp would be nothing with out the back ups of flea). chad smith. chad killing the drums with his heavy beats of intention.. its all wrapped up to create the funk! these guys are having so much fun and i want a piece of the action. yes, i am sure its work at time. that all falls away when magic is created. i want to make music and make an incredible living at it!

my time is slowly becoming someone elses. i am remembering it is the year of the rat. i am rat. watch out, b/c i will be leading the way this year. it will all be mine in 08!

to mind

there are many things that come to mind. the main theme. percussion. my drums are my passion. got a small jam in yesterday. so it goes....."you think, you stink" is very true. on the kit for about 10-15 min and i stopped thinking and let it go. it went. i will have to record my next you think you stink session.

the art of percussion is infinite. i like that!

definition

con·se·quence (kŏn'sĭ-kwěns', -kwəns)
-noun

1. Something that logically or naturally follows from an action or condition. See Synonyms at effect.
2. The relation of a result to its cause.
3. A logical conclusion or inference.

e·mo·tion /ɪˈmoʊʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[i-moh-shuhn]
–noun

1.	an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.

these are 2 words people of this planet need to understand. for the most part, a consequence is something many people do not understand. if someone does something, positive or negative, there is always a consequence or effect. action/reaction. many people believe that they can walk around this planet and do as they please with no consequences. that is where emotion comes to play. if the person is confronted about there actions, then there is always a emotional response. its not logical. its emotional. better yet, EXCUSES! explaining a consequence is not
a personal attack. it is a explanation of action and its immediate reaction. its not easy to hear. i get my feathers flustered when this occurs. be present. deal with the situation at hand. look at the situation and flip it. its knowing that it is going to improve your life. this in turn will make interacting with people more reasonable.

i could go on and on about this, but i believe you get the point!

snooze at 5am

i hit snooze for the first time at 5am and i rose from the bed at 5:04am. for some reason i am better fot it. very alert and feeling good. normally if i hit snooze, its harder to get out of bed. the out/in of sleep scenario makes it hard, but not today.

short day today. that is why i love mondays! more time with little d! handball will be played this afternoon. will be nice to be in the sun again. 60 in february. use to 20 degree days and negative nights. not the case. i am sure more weather will hit us, but it feels good that the trend is on the sunny and warm side.

had a 2 hr break yesterday and enjoyed a walk around the city. still trying to get a feel for SF. need to find some spots to hang out during breaks. cafe of some sort. some where to people watch. went to an awesome music store called rasputin music. 4 floors of bliss.

time to go. trying to be cynical, but no need. state of mind is calm.

where have you been?

where have i been? well. i took a few days off from writing. my days were entirely full and awesome! lets start with friday. up early and got little d prepared for school. off to another great yoga class. back home and discussing work with the wife. breakfast and dashed off to redwood city for a drum lesson. an hour later i am wailing on the drums learning more about 32nd notes and how to make it work on the kit. 2 o'clock and i am outta there and back to the east bay to pick up little d from school. come home, fix a snack and prepare to play handball. a few small disputes leaves little d and i perplexed and quiet.... the best part about the afternoon were rays off the sun. completely rejuvinating. babers finds us walking back from handball and entices us to continue the handball battle. another hour and we are back home relaxing. listening to "the dan". dinner. watch the tv and off to bed.

casual saturday morning. fresh cup o coffee. help little d make pancakes. watch spongebob. go for a walk. little d decided to roller blade, which was a nice change. the weather was so damn nice! i believe thats why the red hot chili peppers sing about california in every song. california kicks ass! anyway.... came home after the walk and finished up on laundry. played the drums for a long while and made progress. ate lunch. played more drums. little d wanted to try tennis. borrowed some rackets and played on the courts up the street. little d took to the game naturally. will get her some lessons. its was nice being outside! came home and little d was invited for a sleepover. i continued to play drums and do the laundry. babers drove little d to her friends and came back home for a late dinner. watched true lies and off to bed.

now. waking up to another beautiful day and preparing myself for the inevitable. work. first i will take a walk.

no issues at hand

no issues at hand. sit on the couch this morning wondering. wondering nothing. just letting my thoughts flow. its something that comes just once in a while. take advantage and enjoy.

initiative . take the initiative and make something happen. i am formulating an email to do it! here i come.....

mantra

there are times in which i sit and ponder about my state of mind. its overwhelming. frightening at times. in a matter of seconds i can remember something i want to mention and then.... then.... its gone. at 50 i will probably need a name badge and directions to my house. lost. this is me. show me the way home?

so in this time, i have a mantra. i want it to be one word, but it clearly needs to be two.

quiet & patience.

quiet:quiet my mind and think about what you wan to say or do.
patience:think before you speak. let things happen the way they will. you can not control.

le i don't know

inside of my head i am reminded of one of my all time favorite cartoon characters. pepe le pew. some of the best one liners were created from this god among skunks. "i am still looking for you...." "hello baby." "Quelle est - Le belle femme skunk fatale." why does this make any sense at all? started with the expression le and this is where i have ended up. le. its an abbreviation. really. now i am just talking to myself. don't you get it yet?

i will get after it today! what else do i have today. hopefully i will be stress free today. i have a feeling i will be able to coax my way through today. in the middle of all of this, i have come to the conclusion i am unable to box my stress. in this case i will be aware of its presence. look at. crush it! move forward...thats the plan.

take a visit

its safe now. you can take a visit. in the original movie, willy wonka and the chocolate factory there is a moment that reminds me of my brain. the entire cast walks down a hall that keeps getting smaller. "my realities become dreams & all my dreams become realities." willy opens the door and there is his dreamland of chocolate. that scene reminds me of my brain. i am the gatekeeper to all the secrets. the mystery. to enter you must know the secret password played with your finger tips. all is calm now, but there is chaotic potential.

yesterday was a good day. housework. drums. paid my bills.

today is my monday. i have plenty to do. lets kick some ass!

the calm

took care of myself last night. practiced rudiments for 2 hrs last night. ate dinner. lost my brain last night watching tv. needed the rest. i have woken up with a new ounce of vigor. house work today. cleaning. laundry. drums!

in my intense brain moments, i will breathe. i have a sense of calm. i feel much safer.

system overload

this morning i woke up fresh and then schizophrenic. there are days when i cannot control my own being. there is untapped potential. ideas to harness. it gets to loud at times and i am unable to do anything except be. it is extremely exciting and scary at the same time. i have to slow down and be conscious of every decision, especially when i am speaking. its sort of a porky pig "ism".

some how i have made it this far today. meditated for 15-20 minutes today and that really helped! got after it ever since. writing ideas. helping the wife move into her new studio. thats the picture inside the studio. fresh coat of paint. what a smell.... her new platform to kick some ass! i am extremely excited for her. its starting for her and there are only greater things to come!

tonight is my night. drums. dinner. drums. tv. it will be a good night!

opportunity knocks

opportunity knocked yesterday & i answered back. i have some things to get down on paper. pitching a lot of my ideas. what i want? what i can do with them. i want to inspire people to greatness. inspire people to grow. everyone can grow a little more to attain more peace and clarity. its all about being in the present and attacking the task at hand. there is plenty of noise out there that can cloud your judgment. choose to put all the noise aside and be clear about how and what you do. when you are clear, everything comes easier. example: why let your day be ruined by something as simple as spilling your coffee? laugh at the accident. embrace it. your life still continues. you have a choice!

in conclusion.....everyone has a choice and will live there life by those choices. if you choose to kick ass and talk about all the ASS kicking you will do, then you WILL KICK ASS! if you choose to bitch and complain about the man keeping you down, THE MAN WILL KEEP YOU DOWN. so which is it going to be?? i believe you know what i will do!

the time is right now! think about it.....

leadership

leadership is something i have been lacking & with a little encouragement from the wife, leadership is what i will strive for. we arrived in SF with a fresh prospective and it has been vanquished within a few months. frustration. red tape. paper work. no more. i have an opportunity to make real change. it starts today! i choose not to be stressed anymore. i have been taking on stress for some unknown reason and i have made a conscious decision to turn it around. stress will become my strength. the moment i start to stress, i will breathe deeply and breathe it out. no more holding in. its time to make a move!

shadows by the moon

as i woke this morning i walked out of my bedroom and noticed a shadow by the moon, casting through the window on to the counter and floor. unusual because of all the bad weather. no chance to get rays from the sun or moon! speaking of the sun, i need to get some rays. will help nurture my soul. hopefully on my days off, the days will be bright.

i(we are) am out here on the west coast doing it! its not easy, but i am doing it. just the other day i was chatting with the wife and she mentioned the greatness of california. if it only took us 4 months to get plugged in, then in a very short time things are really going to happen. what a great comment. in a few short months, our family has seen some major change and we have embraced it with our souls, knowing it will be for the better! more great things will happen and we are prepared. its only a matter of time before we get everything we want.....

content

staring at this screen, i am attempting to write. its sunday. a cheesy stallone movie is on. my coffee is to my right. its raining outside. i am extremely content. no need to inspire on a sunday. you should already be inspired to be content. sit back, relax and think of what you have. in a place of gratitude, more will come.

something new to learn

i have challenged myself to learn something new and it has changed my life. percussion. skins. drums. it is the driving force in my life. i am amazed at the capacity and speed i have learned. i am extremely driven to become a drummer. i want to say master, but i am not sure i will ever master the drums. thats why i keep going. its the process of learning. no matter how hard i try, i will not become a great drummer overnight. thats what makes it so great! i am in no hurry. the journey is what makes it great. yesterday for instance. practiced on the drums for 2 hrs. learning more accents and the process of fitting those accents as fills in 16th and 32nd notes. then i learned a new score from clayton fillyau of james brown. please, please, please(1963). it blows me away that i am able to take what i have learned, read and apply it to the kit. its my hard work and dedication to the instrument. it is also b/c i have two amazing drum teachers. these guys have molded me in to the drummer i am today and i am extremely grateful!

applying what i have learned, i have been able to set the tone with my new jam members. the other night we were jamming away and decided to take our funk to the main stage. i know i have already written about this, but its so cool. got on the kit and let her rip. another guitarist got in on the mix and we kicked some ass! immediately have that buzz feeling. closed my eyes and counted the groove. that is a feeling i want to aspire to all the time on the kit. in the pocket. listening for changes. kicking some ass!

to wrap it up. its been a year and a half since i have taken up the drums. i have come a long way and there are more challenges ahead. excellent! aspire to greatness. learn something new. take on a new challenge that will change your life. the quick fix american way will not cure the desire for change. real, life inspiring change. learn. apply. kick some ass!

content & prosperity

yesterday was a day i had to dig deep. 5 hours of sleep did me well in the end. work balanced itself out. not sure how it happened, but things have become lighter. it shows in the employees & there actions. i was able to leave on time. got home. stretched to get some of the kinks out. got little d. dishes. laundry. dinner. and then. an unbelievable jam. best part of my day! an hour jamming with lead s. bass player d arrived shortly after improving his chops on the drums. short funk jam turned in to moving to the main hall where we in sighted a coup. wrangled another guitarist and went for it! amazing jam and i was totally in the zone! nice to play with a new person. better to gel with my com padres. we are really coming together.

in 3 minutes i must go. observation yesterday. leadership is everything. it inspires and destroys negative vibes. incredible potential. there are times when you must come down hard, but there are times when it can be flipped and used for the better. its all about the delivery...

Torture Lesson, 01/23/08

Dear Diary,

Today I rode my brother-in-law's ancient, unforgivably red Bianchi eighteen-speed racing bike which he loaned me in anticipation of a triathlon and which I used previously in a sprint triathlon.  (I scored 270 out of 650.  I accepted masochism unconditionally -- that day.)

By the by, I acquired a swanky, oddly-comported "trainer" apparatus enabling the bike's conversion into a cumbersome, unquiet, indoor torture device.  Aside from the bent derailer's perpetual clicking noises (nice echoes in a one-bedroom apartment with hardwood floors -- no area rug -- twelve-foot ceilings, etc.) and the boredom, this reconfiguration brings me unlimited amounts of physical pain, the focus of which I notice channeling through my coccyx.  My coccyx.  I am not an idiot.  I wear marginally-fashionable, expensive, well-padded biking shorts with a brand name and a less-fashionable, brand-named, specialized biking undergarment.  That said, after six dutiful rides, I'm no less crippled.  I sit a lot.  I enjoy sitting (a lot).  John Cleese reportedly listed his hobbies once as "gluttony, sloth."  I am not John Cleese, but apparently I'm tangentially related at least insofar as our hobbies go.  This "trainer" hindrance is intolerable.  As a former, sadistic colleague of mine once slowly said through his wry smile, after hearing I needed a molar pulled, "you'll get used to it."

 

If these are my problems, things could probably be worse.

to the bone

there is something to be said for working to the bone. you realize what you are/are not capable of..? its the brink. being pushed. adding more to the pot. wait a minute, here is some more. i know your file is full, but make it work. know that it can be done. it will get done. failure is not an option. i love that!

to conclude this piece, i want to mention my activity yesterday: up at 6. write on no name. get little d up for school. breakfast and lunch for her. go for a jog. breakfast for myself. finish week 2 of the schedule. call for salary information. shower. lunch. do the dishes. find out i need to go to work. play the skins for 2 hrs strong. get ready and get little d prepared for some work. take the bart to SF. arrive at 5:30pm. prepare for sale. little d departs. continue marking and pricing. exit work at 11pm. catch the 11:09pm bart. home at 11:50pm. decompress by watching the tube. in bed at 12:30am. wake up at 5am.

what did you do yesterday?

no glasses

no glasses this morning as i type this segment. retraining my eyes. i have my hands full with work this morning, but i will make the next hour mine! always curious about other bloggers so i scrolled through "next blog". its interesting to see what people place out in to the public domain. food, animation, redesigning websites & green monsters. all sites for viewing. its public. we invite the public in to our live for recognition. its makes us feel warm and fuzzy, to a degree. wanted. similar to the facebook concept. yes it is true i am a member, but it bores me. it got old after a week. challenge someone to a movie quiz. slap someone(with a stroke of a key). scrabble. there are all these things we do on facebook to get recognition. the friends list. grant imahara is my friend, who are you friends with?? its a competition that is a complete phi sod. does it make you feel better if you have a friends list a mile long...."oh yeah, look at all my friends". especially when they are famous/infamous. are they really your friends?? no. they are a picture on your screen. look at it closer and you will find that you are further away from yourself than ever. its a complete distraction to keep you from doing what needs to be done. work. learning. ass kicking. to conclude this rant, one might say i am also a victim. true. but i believe this platform is a source of betterment. my words, along with panel six, hit the web with a ton of bricks. we are not the norm and choose to invite people in to our lives for inspiration, not justification.

accountability

accountability is at issue -- personal responsibility --  responsibility to self, responsibility to beliefs, convictions, action, consistency.  live by ideals.  choose, set, maintain standards.  

let us pray.

stress

i know i have felt stress in my life. unlike any other period in my life, i have a pain in my chest from work. there are times when the job overwhelms me and there is little to do but stress and get heavy. this is where my mind can take over and make my body feel worse. i have to practice taking care of myself and taking a moment to breathe. all of the tasks can get done, it just takes more effort to use your time wisely. one situation turns in to another, turns in to another and the next thing you know, your day is over.... not enough time for office work, which is something i have to do ALL THE TIME!

its the job. i love it! manage my stress. i sit here and think how the hell am i going to fit it all in? no sleep. up late. up early.

manage the stress:breathe, run, yoga, skins, meditate, & stop!

fresh 32nd

in the morning i am fresh and clear to hit it! my feet are up on the coffee table and i am preparing for my day of uncontrollable chaos. wait a moment. i have no time to put my feet up.

so while on the bart i love to observe people and what they do. one thing i notice is eaves reading. i do it. we all probably do it. some one else is close to you with a paper or magazine. off in space you want something to read. in a flash you have read a word or two and then you quickly look away. what have you gained from these few words. similar to looking at someone and then they look in your direction. quickly you look away and ....."i was not looking at you...nope, nope. just looking around." then there is the i am looking and you make eye contact. complete strangers making eye contact and what do you do?? look away and act as if nothing happened. how can we forget the game players. the ds. blackberries. ipod. these are all distractions while on public transportation. are they inherently good or bad?? i am a victim sometimes. its funny to see all types of adults and kids buried in gadgets. your face is so close to the screen. nothing going on but the distraction....

this week i am super busy with work. i plan on bringing some work home with me. has to be done. outside of that i will play the skins as often as i can. its an element that was missing the last 3 months. my playing improved b/c i started playing with people, but i know i can be better. committed to playing/practicing 3-4 times a week. that includes time on the bart. i want my playing to be better. always striving to be better & learn. that's the ticket. to learn!

from the inside

it's interesting how, perceiving a future absence of something causes anxiety -- a feeling of loss in advance of the actual loss. such it is now, in what should be "those lean sweet desperate hours" just before enormous change that, planning to again trek westward, i somehow miss the colonial brick structures and substantial weather of the east.  of course, perception is everything.  (maybe it's not "interesting," but simply reveals a seemingly illogical emotional response -- but then emotion defies logic.  "if you miss x, don't leave x.") the value of x is then derived only by the threat of absence of x.  ridiculous.  chase your tail, dog.  mongrel.  "carnival dogs."

time, perspective allow for a 360-degree image (or the most fully-formed image we'll ever generate) of where we are at any given place in time.  deconstructing the idea, intriguing to me as it is, is a waste of time.  i believe we all occupy a super-position in the manner of the physics term, borrowed by alan moore.  that is, per moore: "It ["we" in my analogy] holds meaning and shape, but no solution.  Quantum uncertainty, unable to determine both a particle's location and its nature necessitates that we map every possible state of the particle.  Its super-position."    

too much time on my hands -- "idle hands are the devil's tools!"  i best exit and return to various duties of sloth (satan?  belial?  will we find cocytus together?), although the time to do practical things approaches inexorably.

something said

small screen today. new font. gonna try and spend some time cleaning up my site this weekend. not that i will have much time b/c i will be working. it will get done. jam went really well last night. monitors with head sets completely kick ass! still like the old school noise making way, but this will improve our playing. gotta pick a few funky grooves to get in the mix.

dead air in my head. five hour nap and will hit it hard today.

massive screen

i sit in front of massive screen. 24 inches of blinding technology...SWEET!

first day of work yesterday and i was a zombie. again, i need coffee! tuesdays travel day was good. early and able to do things around the house before hitting the grind.

observation. what is the deal with getting in to a shuttle and for some reason the driver believes its ok to express his every want and opinion to a stranger. tueday mornings driver had to let me know how the colorado representatives where screwing elk hunters out of money. a herd in estes park needs to be thinned and apparently the government is paying top dollar to have this done. hunters enter in to a raffle and are chosen to use any tactic necessary to hunt and kill over 1500 elk. "the shuttle driver" wants the youth or handicapped hunters to do the job instead of paying out money to "regular joe" hunters. so! so... rolling my eyes i try and engage. "maybe its a liability issue?" the elk roam estes park freely and when i say freely, i mean right in town. so i am thinking it would be a dangerous job and there is a possibility that someone could get hurt. "no says the shuttle driver." the government is using my money to have regular hunters to thin the herd. ok... i could go on and on about this and he had more things to discuss, but i could only walk away thinking one thing. if this is your problem, you have SERIOUS issues! there are serious issues coming to a head in this country and elk is not one of them!

perception is reality. obviously the shuttle drivers perception is this issue with elk and the government. my perception is why is this guy bitching at me when i do not know him and i am getting on a plane to california..?? one good thing came out of his mouth. he and his buddies were formulating a letter to his state representative. did not see that coming, but that is a step i have never taken, good for you mr shuttle driver.

it just amazes me how people involve strangers in to there lives. bitching on cellphones. trapping people in shuttles. i would never in a million years involves a customer in any kind of political conversation. so unprofessional. maybe its part of the job as a shuttle/taxi driver. is that part of the interview process?? "if in a cab, what comment would you make about the political state of the congo?"

The Please Song

here is a ditty from trick and little d. enjoy!

turf

back on my old turf. feels really relaxing and safe. walking the streets. seeing people i have not seen or heard from in 4 months. its nice. i miss it & i cannot wait to get back to my new home. i know that is a contradiction, but its true. good to be here, but ready to get back to it in california.

skied my ass off yesterday! over the head face shots in some areas. really sweet!

i sit here on a guest bed watching football. not the norm for me. i am relaxed. how am i doing this? its what i need to recharge.

so i just had a confrontation as a house guest. ex husband of woman that we are staying with just got back from his ski day. asked if the game was on. he asked, "mind if i join you?" i answered, i would much rather watch the game by myself. he answered "...oh.. thanks." this is a guy i do not like and would note enjoy having hour long conversations about himself and his problems. that would ruin my day. its right to speak your mind and what you want! super important. its also another way this guy feels he can get his ex wife back. trying to pry his way in. that would be similar to prying yourself in to a safe with a toothpick... not going to happen!

from where to what

so. SO! its my friday and i its time to get out of town. this time off is going to be great! well deserved for everyone in my family.

everything seems much more doable since the holiday season is over! its amazing what can be done once you set your mind to something. the last 3-4 months have been chaos. embracing the chaos was all i could do. now that the dust has settled, it seems easy. i was laughing at the dinner table last saying how light things feel. i look forward to the flow in 2008! it will be a good year! one more exclamation point and kick some ass!

ill

i have been sick since monday. much better now, but the sniffles are still lingering.... oh well, it is what it is! it has been a busy and casual week. its nice when things simmer down in the retail world. i am sitting here idle wondering what to write. unfortunately it is another morning where i have another awful song in my head. multiple songs. the other day i came in after work and my wife was watching the sound of music. not a fan! critically acclaimed my ass! anyway, i suffered in passing and the songs they sang made me wan to vomit! what is with the repeating song. is it a song if someone sings "bread and jam" over and over and OVER?? and then there is idle weiss. my mind is crying right now...

2 more days of work and the i am out of town for 5 days. wifes art opening and skiing. got a jam tonight. look forward to playing! time to get after it!

at busy

i have a friend coming to town today. he left me a message the other day commenting on my outgoing message(does this sequence make sense?). "i would like to know what you kick ass at since you are now in the city?" this ia guy whom i use to ski. a guru. taught me everything i know about tree skiing. so the answer is, of course i kick ass in the city! does not matter if you are on a beach, in the mountains or living in a city. you are capable of kicking ass anywhere you go! this is me telling you to do so. nothing will stop me from doing what i want. i am sick as crap right now and i am not letting the little germ win! get after it!

in the morning

i feel so fresh in the morning. last night was a tough night of sleep, but i got some zzzz's i woke up a bunch between 11-1. not sure why. my brain has finally caught up with my body and i am feeling better every day. needed these days off to get refreshed. a nice big yawn and no i am back in to the groove.

i have released my anger. there is no need to be so angry. i have the support of my family. i have a great job. i get to play the drums. i basically get what i need. the dust will settle more and everything will fall more in to place.

considering what i want to 2008. the list goes. the dream board has not been created, but i have the thoughts in my head every day. patience, money, compassion & love! more time for family, drums, music and exercise! i will get all of this and more. time to kick some more ass!

the 3

the last 24hrs have been difficult. i figured something out. i want to be angry. why? because its easy. for some reason i have been dead set on being angry and it hit me... what the hell am i doing? so as i woke up this morning, i found myself overrun with emotion. it took an hour to get out of bed. since i have been up i have considered many options. my overall need and want is happiness & love. i have both of these, but for some reason my anger has taken over.. no more. i choose not to be angry any more. there will be moments of weakness, but i will overcome, defeat & conquer! watch out 2008, i am going to kick some ass!

to challenge the soul

jan 2. 2008. this computer is in my lap and as usual i am thinking about work. work has become my life in the last 4 months. gotta make that change. don't get me wrong, i love the work, but i am fried like marsh mellows in oil... need a break and piece of mind. took time last night and went for a walk. played the drums and then took it easy. felt normal but so tired. got some good z's last night. need more.

will attempt to leave work early. its funny, but i need to try.

my brain is flooded with information. the new year has started with a boom.

what am i trying to say? what ever it is, there are answers somewhere.....

so called resolutions for 2008

the thought of resolutions for 2008 makes me wonder. resolutions are held in such high regard. "for 2008, i will be a better......", quit this, eat less of that and so on and so forth. someone asked me the question yesterday. of course he thought i was someone else, but then considered to listen to my answer. i do not have any resolutions. i have goals that i wish to set for myself. i have a short list that i will create in to a dream board. a concept i learned from my wife. if i can see it, i will have it. goals and wants are visualized over and over again until it is manifested. tonight i will put my ideas together. will post in the a.m.

KICK SOME ASS IN 2008!

last day of 07

it comes once a year. the new year begins tomorrow and everything will be great. time to create a new dream board to set myself up for success!

yesterday was a stressful day. people. people shock me with there needs. its amazing how people act and treat others this time of the year.

watching tv in the morning or anytime, this time of the year is hilarious. quit smoking. lose weight... its all at your finger tips with a magic pill. do it yourself. get in and do the work. its a life style change, not a "take a pill and be cured" change.

busy morning and then work. gotta get after it. what are you doing?

just another day

have not been in the writing mood the last few days. burnt from the retail onslaught. my brain is flat. its shows in many areas but i am still driving the mother ship. things will be easier. as i said, come january, things will change.

saturday was the best day out of the 2 days off. played the skins for hours. need more. for the first time in a while, my wrist started to hurt. i will be putting more time in on the drums now that things have cooled down. that excites me. music is where its at for me!

for 08. family, more drums, less work, yoga, tattoos and ass kicking!

return

nothing but returns today. should be interesting. yesterday was a good day. no way no how did it feel like christmas. use to being surrounded by snow. strange it is.

today is a day i must breathe. need to be calm and collected for 2 more days. then i can relax.. i think. as i stare off in to nothing i have no answer.

do the job. do it well. leave. i am on the path. the war is here. i can fight or quit. fight. the words of a so called samurai warrior.

CH'I

for the last few days my energy has been wild. i believe it has been enough to throw my watch off. my watch has been jumping anywhere from 10 minutes to 2 hours fast. had the thought last night. while at work i had a massive dizzy spell. then nausea. then my body became increasingly fuzzy with energy. mostly my head. is it the winter solstice? is it the full moon? all i know is that i am on fire! it feels right.

so i have been thinking about death since it has touched my family again. death is so taboo. mostly because we all fear it to some extent. what to say to someone when a loved one dies. can you be more creative than "he/she is in a better place?" excuse me, but how the fuck do you know? so why is it taboo in a society dripping with openness. you will bring your conversations to everyones attention on your cell phone while on the street, in a cab or on public transit. dehumanize someone while everyone listens. everyone can hear. so tell me....what will you say?

48 degrees

its 48 degrees in my house. its 6:25 am. 5 hrs of sleep and i am ready to go. sort of. tired. yesterday was a hell of a busy day. glad i took the extra hour of sleep. will need everything i got today. i can see my breath. my brain is flat right now. maybe the world is flat too? the way people act sometimes makes me believe that may be true. what is the point telling all of you(1 or 2 people) what people are capable of saying. you know....

2 new words in my vocabulary i love to use. disdain & conundrum. try them some time.

dis·dain : /dɪsˈdeɪn, dɪˈsteɪn/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[dis-deyn, di-steyn]Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –verb (used with object)

1.	to look upon or treat with contempt; despise; scorn.

2.	to think unworthy of notice, response, etc.; consider beneath oneself: to disdain replying to an insult.

co·nun·drum : /kəˈnʌndrəm/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuh-nuhn-druhm] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun

1.	a riddle, the answer to which involves a pun or play on words, as What is black and white and read all over? A newspaper.

2.	anything that puzzles.

have the best day you can and kick some ass!

CHILDRENS CORNER WITH HR & more

JUST WHAT EVERYONE NEEDS DURING THIS SO CALLED "CHEERY" SEASON... MAKES ME FEEL ALL WARM AND FUZZY INSIDE.

yesterday was a good day. early to rise again. coffee. walk the dog. amazing yoga class. amazing i tell you! set my intention to send every ounce of love to my wife and her family. i must say i felt extremely powerful yesterday. no doubt, just ass kicking!

today will be full of work. chaos with added chaos. damn last minute shoppers....

welcome 6 panels

welcome 6 panels. new addition to no name. i look forward to reading his intriguing words.

yesterday was a good day. up early. walked "the tongue". swept the house. went to the post office. haircut. yoga. lunch. hit the skins(woke up a baby)... more work and went for a jam last night. home at 11:30. fell asleep on the couch.

now i am up. coffee in hand. called the wife. she and d are away at a funeral. things have changed and family members are getting under my skin. death creates animosity. blood in the water. that blood is money. money and ego. everyone suffers. let the thought of money and ego go. a loved one has fallen..

its easy for me to be angry. easy for me to understand the suffering. been right there in the mix. from the outside it easy to plot a solution. what to do. people are going to say what they are going to say. do what they are going to do. let it go. let the dust settle. then ask the tough questions. ask for what you need. physical memories.it will pull you through, but there will be work ahead. the work is time. its all you have.

enter.

that's right, it's me.  it's late, i'm caffeinated, i sat still for too long and the wagon wheel ain't turned in a while, if you know what i'm saying. dropping the reins is really ill-advised, but we all live and learn -- monuments unto ourselves, really.  more to follow....

STAR & RATS

more beats from me. check it...

sorry

sorry is a word that should eliminated from everyone's vocabulary. moving through a crowd you bump in to someone. "sorry". ask for id at the register. "oh, i'm sorry". i hear the word sorry more than i care to. pick another word. why are you sorry if you bump in to someone. people are sorry for everything.

definition: sorry: /ˈsɒri, ˈsɔri/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[sor-ee, sawr-ee]
–adjective, -ri·er, -ri·est.

1.

feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble. the sooner you rid this word from you vocabulary, the better. i cannot say it anymore. even when some dies. "sorry for your loss".... its empty. void of feeling. be creative. use another word. don't be sorry.

4 hours ago

i went to bed 4 hours ago. now i am clean and ready for another day at work. not going to be an easy one. i am a watch killer this week. alarm went off and got up. 5am. watch read 6:30. reset. running 10 minutes fast again. not a clue?? looking forward to walking in the rain. feels good. got a few days flying solo at the end of the week. will take advantage. drawing a blank. will dig deep to get through today. i feel the fuzz.

death is stupid(click here)

death is stupid. well, its what happens to all of us. its the drama created that is stupid. picking sides. anger. its a time bomb. except it for what it is and move forward. its the best you can do. one song that has gotten me through is from the 1969 miles davis album bitches brew. its sanctuary. maybe it will help you see through.....

GIVE ME ANIMAL

this morning i had a moment. thinking of my playing. though of this video and all of its "out of control glory!" will record a animal moment this week.....

the last 2 days

i hope everyone enjoyed my latest video. something different. more to come. may cut a few more drum licks before the year is over and then i will get really creative. watch for it! the last few days have been really good. wednesday night we went and picked out a pagan tree. right off the lot 4.5 footer. lights and decorated in a few hours. its a great tree. interesting picking it out at a lot. use to get a permit and cut our own tree down. now we just point and pay. did i mention it cost 50 bucks...rip off! thursday played the drums for a while and made the recording. laundry, clean up and etc.... jammed thursday night and we seem to really be growing together. songs are coming together. friday. friday was another excellent day. yoga. breakfast. the only exception to this great day was going to target twice. walking around aimlessly bothers me. we were there for particular things, but you get caught in the drama. should i get this...should we get that....meanwhile you are over hearing people bitch and complain about there lives and "oh... how is your dog...?" BLAH BLAH BLAH! this is why i am really down on the "C" season. it is a conundrum created by our society to get more, buy more, have more than the next guy. to feel better. to feel better? oh and by the way our economy is in the balance of it all so get out there and spend your dollars for the betterment of out economy. get something that will change your life. i get the kid thing. kids dig it. as a kid i would freak. make it about quality not quantity. or just don't play at all. now i get to be the guy who answers all the questions. gotta go eat, drink more caffeine and get moving. that's the funny things about all of this... i am a salesman. did i sell you?

i can sell you some KICK SOME ASS!

Jam #1

i have found another way to put myself out there..... not just words. sound. my sound. thanks to my teachers. thanks to everyone and there support. i must play. music has changed my life. its what i want all the time. to make my sound. to play. what is your passion?

silence & coffee

tues at 5:25am

the chimes outside are going. must be a chilly one out there. did not write yesterday. did not feel the need. my answer to most questions yesterday was " i have my own war!" that's what is happening. we are all in it. we can choose how to approach it. yesterday i went inward for a while and turned it around. handles myself pretty well. today will be another hectic but fulfilling day. made the call to my neighbor yesterday. all is good with the drum playing. play till there is a problem. you will see me live on this site soon. gotta use this avenue more to my advantage. does not feel like the holidays to me at all. i want it to be over so things will stabilize. holiday bothers me. i think its what people become. bags of merchandise. gotta have gotta have, GOTTA HAVE.... i get it b/c i am pretty selfish. its that it is so perpetuated. hello people, there is more out there. try learning something new rather than perpetuating the old habits that have become our society.....(step off the soap box)....kick some ass!

warm sweat

james brown had a cold sweat. last night i had a sweat going on. not sure what that was all about. woke up and my shirt was damp from sweat. under the down blanket. ??? fighting something? stress? both? freaky. maybe i was having a dream and thats how my body reacted. i know i have had many dreams, but i cannot remember the details. driving in to work for the first time today. trying to figure out the parking scenario. free parking on sundays apparently. gotta go. time for my war!

this morning

coffee. jog. tv. getting ready for work shortly. the onslaught will be in full force today. its saturday and those credit cards will be ready to be fired up. not much else. need more music. need to play more. feel like i have slipped in my playing a bit. do the work and kick some ass!

it was a day

took the day off from writing yesterday. had one of my best friends in town. we discussed how to save the world. our worlds. nice to have someone in town who gets you. don't have to tell them your story. friends just get it. he picked me up at the store wed after work and we drove home with the top down(convertible bug). unfortunately on the bay bridge i got a mouth full of something. we will call it water. "keep your mouth shut." or the top up when on the bay bridge. hope he moves to cali. its always a possibility.

amazing yoga class today. drinking coffee. gotta get a pagan tree today. its tradition, but i am a bit over it. so market driven. the world could be changed in an instant if everyone decided to ease up off christmas a bit. think about the wastefulness. no more boxes and wrapping paper. that is a start!

my shell needs more tattoos.

no more idle by

usually i begin with the title, but this morning i am idle. planning on whooping some ass on some online scrabble. getting my head around todays agenda. would rather think about other things than work. pretty consumed. its what i signed up for. after the holiday, things will lighten up. looking forward to having a good friend in town. being picked up from work and back home. as i took a sip of coffee, i had a flash back of my fathers office. the smell of coffee. he took it black. me. espresso with h & h. back to my friend. wish we had more time in the city. wharf. trolley. union square. he is driving from san jose. he is going to half moon bay. heard 45ft waves were breaking there yesterday. body surf anyone? there is plenty i need to do and want to do. want to make changes to this sight. in due time. its gonna have to be 08. after i get home from work, i am pretty cooked. try and pump myself up on the ride home. i did get some playing done last night. i did get creamed in monopoly last night. little d was on the rampage. its little d's b day today. 11. WTF! she is so cool! will hopefully remember to call this morning. its time to split. kick some ass!

forcast for

there is always something to be said. yesterday was good. accomplished many things. the only thing i did not do was practice. i want at least an hour today. gotta make that happen. thinking of yoga. maybe tomorrow. it was nice to work the morning shift rather than the night. mornings are my place. my back is getting to me. on concrete all day is doing it. somehow i have to improve my footwear to make things better! ahhh, the old man in me....my back hurts, my legs ache, i'm only 4! what movie?? gotta get after it. a very good friend is in town. will see him on wednesday. staying the night with us. will be good to hang out with a old friend who gets me. he surprised me in the store sunday. it was awesome! everything else stopped. a good feeling to be with a close friend, even for a moment. made my day! i am grateful for all my friends. they are my family! over & out

JACKETS

in my travels in the city, i come across many individuals seeking money for who knows what. a few card board sign i have seen. "why lie, i need a beer." "why lie, i need a million dollars." there are all kinds of messages from the unfortunate to get you to give them money. the other morning while on a long walk, i had a thought. the jacket i was wearing on my back had some damage and i thought i might send it in to warranty for repair. then it hit me. how many jackets do you have? why do you need this jacket? wouldn't it be nice to take the jacket to the city and hand it to one of the unfortunate i see every day.?. yes it would be nice. make a persons day by giving them the unexpected. why give money when you can give a gift? it blows me away to think about an item i take for granted. the jacket can and will change someones life.

make a difference and kick some ass!

sunday

good morning. it is. coffee. movie in bed. pancakes & more. off to work shortly. really nice having some time! i am free of anger. i got that going for me...which is nice!

THE chill

the sun is coming up and there is quite the chill in the air. 50 degrees in the house when i woke up. thats chilly! little d's birthday party this afternoon. off to the roller skating rink and then back here for utter chaos. "the sleep over" 5 friends sleeping in this tiny place should be interesting... this morning i have my best friend, coffee. this writing. maybe a walk. laundry. hit the skins. not much else. there is always more in my head, but there is a time and a place. got a lot going on. trying to keep the pace going. no down time. there is no down time!

a friday, for real!

its friday and its my day off. stayed 2 and half hours later than expected at work. it was managing me for a bit, but i made it work for me. got the work done. felt good. it cut in to my family time. the wife was nice enough to pick me up at the station so i could eat dinner with them before my jam last night. the jam was REALLY good! the guys finally understand the concept of a beginning and an ending. excellent work last night. time and feel! yoga class this morning. getting stronger. going once a week. will supplement with running and riding the bike. considering changing up the concept of this blog. my introduce my blogs with a recording. will try and test it out in the next few weeks. the rest of the day will be casual. walk the dog.."no lick"... not much else. may hit the skins, but also considering to take a break today to let my thoughts settle. timing was really good last night. the fills! have a great night planned for myself and little d.

kick it!

where to go this morning

there is so much and so little to say. my brain is flat, but full of information. i just turned the tv off. got sucked in. i never turn the tv on during this writing. for that reason. disturbs the flow. totally zoned out! its my friday. off at 3. home. hang with the family. jam tonight at 7. remember structure. gotta firm up with the guys on song structure for more feel and less ongoing never ending jams. just sitting here staring in to nothing. its good to let your mind run off to nowhere. i will give myself a few more minutes and get outta here. one quick note about public transportation. interesting that every morning i see the same people. sit in the same car. we look at one another and look away. the repetition. creatures of habit. walk the same route. why not say hello to a fellow passenger that you see everyday. i see the same person everyday walking in the city as i walked to work. told myself i would start saying hello. make a change. be different. stopped seeing that person. makes you wonder. where do they go?? the things we remember, who we remember. the people we see and never converse with. just the nod. eye contact and then back to focus on our own webs. its time.

here i come!

here i come kids. this has been a long week. 3 night shifts and now i do the turn around to be at the store at 7 am. i sound like a caveman. ever get a really awful song in your head. mine is from the 80's. just another victim of the record companies shelling out crap and for some reason i was there to snatch it up... while lathering up in the show, all i could repeat over and over was janet jackson's "what have you done for me lately......dun duh duh, ooo, oooo, 0000, yeeaahh." sucks doesn't and your welcome if it gets stuck in your head. amazed i am still awake. just pulled myself out of a free falling mind zone. need more go go juice. i will make it happen today. for the most part, since i have moved i have placed many important rollins band songs on my ipod for motivation. today is one of those days to go to the archive, dig in, listen and kick it!

starve, on my way to the cage, also ran, jam #1 (w/charles gayle) and threshold.

if there is something you want, go get it!

fuzz

there was a moment when i looked at myself in the dark this morning. not really dark. enough to see myself but everything was grey and fuzzy. the fuzz messes with your depth perception. long day yesterday and i will have another one today. back to back night shifts with a morning shift on the back end. i will do it! its the work. speaking with a great friend last night. nice supportive comments made. for that i am grateful. on the bart last night and the power was cut. a fight broke out at macarthur station and one of the culprits jumped on the track. slight delay. i know your in a fight but why turn that in to a possible electrocution? people are funny. must motivate. might write more later. its morning meeting time. kick ass!

no name

i believe i will rename the site today. not sure about outburst. will think hard about it. no name. want to create a concept to help the bottom line. what do people need that i have, that will change there lives?? i have spent many a bart ride asking the question. keeping driving for an answer. his week i will create a new dream board. there are more things i need in my life. not material things. things that will help change/shape my life. always seems people want more. the market knows this. last night watching tv, there were so many ads for cell phones. every commercial break had a cell phone ad. why? companies know people want new. why? what is wrong with the one in your hand?? its not broken. its still works. its that the one in your hand is old news. its became old when you bought it. another one replaced it immediately. i am in retail, so its funny to figure this out. i want to sell something to people that will change there lives. nothing material that will become junk or old news yesterday.

oh my head

woke up this morning with a headache. interesting on days like this one, how i can perform better. maybe be it holds down on the chatter. went to sleep at 12am and up at 5am. short sleep, but i am good for it. having 3 days off set me back a bit. my game is much sharper on little sleep. now that i have my coffee, i am much better! everything is pretty damn good. excellent holiday. i figured i would have more to say. thinking of the past. its what shapes us. its this moment right now that matters. not what will and what did.... its right now.

after black friday

after being up since 5 am yesterday and going long at work till 6 pm, i was pretty well wiped out. the pace is unbelievable. the people. money. fashion. snobs. nice people. language barriers. the hair. saw a woman that resembled an older dolly parton. the hair was so big and fluffy. just wanted to touch it! will it move or is it solid as a rock?

on the couch typing away. the "babers" is reading. little d is singing to her new cd. i am not going to bless you with whom he is singing. wish it was black sabbath... just another victim to the record industry churn and burn.. it is cute. i have work at 1 pm. gotta get my head around getting motivated. spent some time on sticking patterns this morning. my damn left hand! it will catch up. keep the work going. push harder for greatness. time for breakfast, bike ride and the grind. amazes me how on your first day back to work, you are thinking of your next day off. when is my next day off?

the day after

the day after and i believe i am still full. nice spending time with family. i need to wake up. i received some important information that needed to be cleared up. good to know. trying. trying to get a move on. my body says no. soon the caffeine will kick in and all will be good. damn its cold here. i know one thing is for sure. i am not shoveling snow. huge day ahead of me. i believe it is going to fly by. thousands of customers. it is going to be out of control. bring it!

sitting at the table last night i thought about my web of friends and family. with all i have been through(this is where i say no patronizing) i am extremely lucky. my health and family, i have. that sounds like a yodaism. troubled, he is. freak job, i am!

Graditude

discussing the idea of thanksgiving. for me it will always be jaded. gratitude is key. may not be the best time. thankful for my family. wish i could skip the holiday season. mostly b/c it has become less of a holiday and more about shopping. do what you can to make it enjoyable. so many dynamics. i have a dinner to go to tonight. really nice when you get a surprise. family friends have invited us for a feast. i don't have to worry about the mess and cooking. just show up and have fun. grateful that my day is simple.

does it rattle

there are many things rattling in my brain. first, yesterday was a good day. early to rise. managers meeting went well and quick. by 9:30 i was home and eating pancakes. bike ride. drums. walk. yoga. sleep. excellent to be relaxed. i was still a bit tense from all that is me. me being my bodies memory. thats why yoga was a bonus yesterday. been hanging out with little d all morning. went for another bike ride with "the tongue". about to do some sticking techniques.

one thing to add before i go. speaking with a family friend who i will being having dinner with tomorrow night. asked me about my job and i told her how great the opportunity is and how lucky i was for the job to fall in my lap. she immediately corrected me and said i made it happen. this is true. our family was so dead set on being in SF, that this job opportunity came about b/c i wanted it. interesting question or subject. what do you think?

6:10 tuesday morning

speaking to a good friend last night about the trials of life. everyone has a story. there are some who live the life and those that don't. either way, its a persons life. perception = reality. for me, i had to suffer. i had to suffer to get where i am now. i am better for it. i believe the number one factor in most peoples happiness is money. but i question this piece of the puzzle. i have had money and i have lost money. been better with no money. when i say no money, i mean nothing to fall back on. no one to count on. its you and the pavement. nothing else. thats where you find what you are looking for. sink or swim. you eat or you do not eat. its in that suffering that life begins. it black and white. no gray area. its where you get after it everyday to make something happen. feels good!

the monday

monday. 5:21 am and here i am. wanted to write something down and completely forgot what it was. should i continue doing this writing? yeah. it helps in so many ways. i went to bed 5 hours ago. not sure if i slept, stayed awake or was asleep while dreaming of work. interesting how that happens. i remember sitting at the fireplace and crying for him. what a disaster. think. what is it for? command presence. saw an example of that on the bart last night. cop and dog team. gotta go. no rest for the wicked as usual. why rest when you can kick some ass!

certain things

its foggy and the sun is breaking through at a distance. hang on, the espresso is boiling. short and sweet today. and then there is that.... with a blank, i will stop. more tomorrow and beyond.

i thought i had something to say

i thought i had something to say. i do, but it may take a while to get it moving out. gotta get to the bart early today. catch the 5:59. there was a time when i did not have to hustle. wake up so early. travel so far. those days are over. thank goodness. not that i don't miss the casual life. it was just passing me by. always more. grab it and get after it! there is more of everything here. gotta get plugged in. could take a while. in the meantime(just like the helmet song) do what you can and everything will fall in to place. saturday 11.17.2007=kick some ass!

sulllen & ready to go

hood is on and i am sipping my coffee. good jam last night. feeling better about my playing. first time i started a beat and everyone got in to it. felt excellent to control the feel. to many shuffles.... i go in i play hard and i get outta there. want to find more people to play with.
interesting to think about this blog. is it possible people are paying attention? is it important that people pay attention? at the moment, i want what i want. write, work, eat, family, drums & sleep. not always in that order. time to get after it!

there is daylight

i am use to writing this when it is dark outside. interesting to have daylight gleaming in the windows while on the couch. i prefer the darkness. black. no today show. no noise. black & peace. to much chatter.

watched the pirates of the jellybean last night. little d was awesome! brought tears to my eyes. she was so good! am i missing it? no. just kicking ass to make it happen.

there are times when i question the state of america. the television. the magazines. the machine. when you sit and watch, there is so much crap on the tube. why is it interesting to watch over weight americans flounder to lose weight on a so called reality show? how about my sweet sixteen birthday bash party. watched a sixteen year old have a huge birthday bash and then get a 65k range rover. raise your middle finger! it makes me sick. people somehow believe they deserve such gifts for turning 16. what is the message? a child that age will grow up with no concept of money. in some ways, i was brought up this way. spend, spend, spend. it took me years to figure out what i wanted. now i know. i realize instant gratification brings nothing. nothing for the soul. no passion! join the machine or not. i choose not to. there is more. if you want reality, stop and look around. reality is a street person asking you for money. reality is a guy hustling to get to work on time. a woman sprinting to catch the muni. so many people miss it. though peoples perception is there reality. most peoples reality is pathetic. self absorbed and narrow minded. want reality....join me for a ride! i am out there everyday kicking ass! what are you doing? don't worry, i know and it makes me laugh!

mentor..

yesterday, i got a call from a very good friend saying he is moving back to california in a few months. my mentor. extremely exciting! a friend moving to the bay area. is this what i need? am i lacking a close friend to kick it with? in some ways yes and others no... having said this, with out a doubt, i am glad i will have a good friend in the area.

while debating this thought, i started to wonder about many things. one thought that struck me was the time of year and its emptiness. november is a empty month to me. is that why i starve for friendship? unclear.

always trying to convince friends to move to me. i miss my friends. my friends are my family. not much in the way of "blood". blood is thicker than water. who the hell came up with that saying. that's crap! my friends have been more of a family to me than anyone in my so called family... always there for me! i miss my friends!

its time!

i try

look at you with a tie on today. bringing a bit of class to the joint. got that yesterday. feeling the need for change. felt good to go back to my roots. roots. roots. sneeze. in case you are wondering, the dog is snoring. did you enjoy the "life is war" piece?? its true. if not, get out of my way. got better things to do. ooooh, its the thirteenth. 13. what a good number. its not coming so clearly this morning. scatter brained the last few days. not in a bad way, that's just how my brain works. slow down. breathe. one thing at a time. not 20 things at once. you want to do that so bad, but it creates a chaotic place in your body and brain. we like chaos though.?! chaos is the root of it all. yesterdays theme was chaos, or was that the day before..? embrace the chaos and conquer.

i am sitting in front of the screen embracing the chaos right now! you?

neurons are firing slowly

trying, but unable to put the numbers together. so simple but impossible at times. pulled a 18 hour day yesterday. hell yeh. got it done. i will have a few more of these days ahead. embrace the chaos. harness its power. its one of the best things you can do through out the day. why fight when you can ride the wave. can you say cliche. its true. anytime i fight, walls are immediately placed right in front of me, with a feeling of heaviness. let go and accept what it is...the easier things flow with no feeling of anxiety. so much better. now i can feel the caffeine coursing through my veins. have some city aches. big difference being on city streets vs mountain trails. doing more yoga which will certainly help my physical and mental game.

its monday. its time. KICK SOME ASS!

fingers at the ready

my fingers are at the ready. ready to do damage to the skins. ready to write, type & tap. consider twiddle, but pretty lame since its due to boredom. no need to be bored. there is plenty to do. enough to see! i know i have mentioned this, but i love 5am. the stillness. wow, on a completely different note..explain the whole football or sports thing to me. don't get me wrong, i will watch a football game or 2 over the next few month, but whats the deal with buying all the stuff. the shirts? the hats? the #1 fingers? my biggest question is the violence that is spawned by the field play of action. alcohol consumption and team spirit turn to violence when a group is encountered by the opposition.... where number 1!?! are you really number 1? the members of the team who just sucked it up on the field are number 1. some how by default fans embrace the victory. for what? so they can feel better about themselves at night? feel better when they are completely hungover and at the water cooler at work the next day, discussing how fucked up they got.. wow, you got the life, you really go the life.... ok, that was a tangent i was unprepared for.

finger to temple, pause and think......

life is war

this is a thought that has been running in my head for a while. since thinking about moving to sf. to get in to the spirit of change, that became my mantra. LIFE IS WAR. KICK SOME ASS! these short phrases have been the words needed to keep pushing when there is nothing left. no chance in hell i will fail. not an option. i believe i mentioned that on a previous post. failing not an option. why fail, when you can set yourself up for success. the bottom line is this.....its a war out there, be it nice or dirty. you want something, get after it. quit the bitching and move through it. of course everyone has there dreams and needs as a human being. the new car, bigger house, but is that the dream?? to some people yes. i believe that's shit. i have come to this point in my life where its not about what i have. its what i have accomplished. how much ass have i kicked. how will you be remembered..... did you visit the mall every weekend and just hang out or did you realize there is more... more than what is perpetuated and regurgitated on the television. get up off you ass and do something. LIFE IS WAR! KICK SOME FUCKING ASS!

11.9.2007

THERE IT SITS. steam rising from the rim. WHAT SHALL I DO WITH IT TODAY. i think i will stop with the caps and no caps. hit gridlock. my head is still spinning from playing last night. good jam. there will be more and i will grow. i feel i hit a snag in my playing. ok, b/c i know that means i am about make another break through. searching for my sound.

first time sitting at the keys and wondering what to write. many thought running through, but unclear reasons for no expression. feel much clearer at 5 am. to much chatter. i will release 7 words. will. desire. must. fear. learn. pipe. humble.

foul to the pressure

it has come to my attention that pressure can create massive amounts of cream cheese in one's brain. there is no explaining this rare and devastatingly cruel illness. after 12-14 hrs of work related stress, one has to think, who the hell is benefiting from this use of energy?? i know i am, because i kick lots of ASS! There is no telling what you can do while under the scope. there are days i can type and days that i suck. the flow. not the flow. whatever?! i have 2 days to get what i need and then back to the grind. those days will be filled with work, but that is what i signed on for. opportunity is knocking and i must respond, no matter the consequences. consequences? there is no consequence. only action. failure is never an option. succeed or fail? i succeed to kick the ass that everyone else refuses to combat!

what's behind the door

always afraid what is behind the door. encounter a gentleman ready to wield a weapon. coffee is yummy. how about the individuals i witness on the bart. are they just schleps?? are they living just enough for the city? one question mark here, 2 over there. spell two, or write the number 2 (3). cross your arms and give the presence. i want my letter of resignation. if you only knew how many times i had to make corrections on the first sentence. sleep shelby. no lick shelby. i am going insane shelby. the control. this expression is helping me in so many ways. my legs ache, my foot hurts, i'm only 4. perpetual 12 year old. my hair is still wet from the show. thats nice. i just focused in on the second hand.

green is for money

green is for money. there are times when i make progress and make none. when ever i look at the time, i despise the symbols. the symbol it represents. i do not want to wear it anymore. sell it you fool. does it make a difference in the world whether or not you have it? no chance in hell it does. i have enough. if there is anything important to me, have it. otherwise, shed it from my being. what progress i have made. i am completely over it. grown out of the misery. the misery that almost killed me. the money that harnessed me to his every dream. yeah, its called blood money. money that i did not want and made myself feel better, by assuming i was better. better than everyone. what did i have.....period. thats what i had. a period at the end of a sentence. luckily that period created something. survival.

hours

the hours are earlier and later. it is really chilly this morning. water is boiling. where am i going with this. i have the morning off and will enjoy it. hit the skins! bike ride. walk. the dog is twitching up a storm. is that a dream or is that just a bunch of crap... when will it happen. the core of the HA. how random is that phrase. the core of the HA. what the hell am i saying. i am saying everything that jumps in my ADD brain. do you think you could survive my brain for a second? i always want to put more than one exclamation point, period or question mark. emphasis? OCD? is it really any different with more... more what? more of that. this, that and UH. my typing and brain go coo koo. example.....dna. that would be "and" in my brain, typed by my fingers... more periods

the light from my bathroom window

the light from my bathroom window. fell back today. 9:30 on the west coast. 10:30 on my body, mind and soul. crashed hard and early last night. felt good and very refreshed. my hands are extraordinarily clean from all the dish scrubbing. scallywag. sip the coffee. i have a schedule to keep and its hanging inthe balance with 50 members. i have no clue what to do, what to say, what to think.. its the job and the passion. passion to work hard. play hard. what am i doing here. i am here to kick some ass. i want to play drums all the time. being creative is SO cool. so cool....so cool....the dog is sitting up sulking for some reason. stare i to no where dog. its still the same. stop! sulk. stare. LAY DOWN DAMN IT!

will call me tomorrow

will call me tomorrow. i have my third eye in my hand and taking many a gulp to get the time passing. time is passing whether or not i drink my third eye. it has just passed again. i could see light in my tunnel vision with my eyes closed. in my slumber the light was as bright as the sun. tick tock tick tock. now. now. now. wow. its peaceful to have nothing pass through my brain. my brain is chaos. so many things bobbing and weaving through. snore. traffic. what does my third eye have in store for me today? what ever it is, i am sure my wife will dislike it.

I HAVE NO CLUE

so as everyone may already know, i moved to sf. this blog will become a shouting board. a stream of consciousness.

i can hear the bart from my apt. the speed and the noise are something indescribable. coffee time. large sips are good. yummy. the dog is snoring between fits of insanity. i have nothing to say. arms feel good from playing last night. playing with people has changed everything. i have interviews to do at work. flat line. is that how you spell that. its 5:31 and i am writing this piece. i think this writing will be good instead of a radio show. maybe i will come up with some material soon and post it. post it. the color green. the color of money. when i think of green i think of money. tattoos. drums. skill. hyper. i want more tattoos. silence for a moment and the refrigerator is humming.

Patrick

BLACK COFFEE 8.20.2007(click here)

YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO....CLICK ABOVE SILLY!

ENJOY 1 OF 3 LAST BLACK COFFEES WITH MYSELF & THERADCHAD!

BLACK COFFEE 8.17.2007(click here)

TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW, CLICK BLACK COFFEE 8.17.2007, ABOVE

ONE OF THE LAST....MOVING TO SAN FRANCISCO TO KICK SOME MORE ASS! WORKING ON GETTING A RADIO GIG! STAY TUNED! -JP

Papa Don't Take No Mess Hell James Brown 1974
Peg Citizen Steely Dan 1972-1980 [Disc 3] Steely Dan 1977
Mean Street Fair Warning Van Halen 1981
Iron Man Paranoid Black Sabbath 1970
Pillow Of Your Bones Euphoria Morning Chris Cornell 1999
Hands All Over Louder Than Love Soundgarden 1989
Gasoline Audioslave Audioslave 2002
Modern Man Who's Got The 10 1/2? [Live] Black Flag 1985
Gimme Danger Raw Power The Stooges 1973
Johnny the Fox Meets Jimmy the Weed Johnny The Fox Thin Lizzy 1976
Skypager The Low End Theory A Tribe Called Quest 1991
Seven Nation Army Elephant White Stripes
Everybody Knows Get Evens The Evens 2006

BLACK COFFEE 8.6.2007(click here)

TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW, CLICK BLACK COFFEE 8.6.2007, ABOVE

AH...ANOTHER MONDAY! GREAT MUSIC BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE CAFFEINATED KING, JP! ENJOY AND THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! -JP

Burning - 13 Songs - Fugazi - 1989
Suggestion - 13 Songs - Fugazi - 1989
Waiting Room - Live Holyoke, MA, 4_18_02 - Fugazi - 2002
Cardova - The Meters
No One Knows - Songs For The Deaf - Queens Of The Stone Age - 2002
Why Can't You Be Nicer to Me - De Stijl - White Stripes
Lacquer Head - Antipop - Primus
Walkin' Up Hip Street - Urban Renewal - Tower Of Power - 1975
Hang On To Your Ego - Pet Sounds [Bonus Tracks] - The Beach Boys - 1966
Partido Alto - The Dropper - Medeski, Martin & Wood - 2000
It's Getting Hectic - Heavy Rhyme Experience: Vol. 1 - Brand New Heavies Feat. Gang Starr 2001
Since You're Gone - Shake It Up - The Cars - 1981
Lay Down, Stay Down - Burn - Deep Purple - 1974
Debra Kadabra - Bongo Fury - Frank Zappa & Captain Beefheart - 1975
Paradise City - Live Era '87_'93 (CD 2) - Guns N' Roses - 1999

BLACK COFFEE 8.3.2007(click here)

TO LISTEN TO THE SHOW, CLICK BLACK COFFEE 8.3.2007, ABOVE

THERE IS PLENTY TO SAY BUT IT IS BEST LEFT UNSAID! -JP

The Lemon Song - Led Zeppelin 2 - Led Zeppelin
Living Loving Maid - Led Zeppelin 2 - Led Zeppelin
Bring It On Home - Led Zeppelin 2 - Led Zeppelin
Divine Object Of Hatred - Weight - Rollins Band 1994
Do It - End Of Silence Demos - Rollins Band - 2002
On My Way To The Cage - Come In And Burn - Rollins Band - 1997
The Lady Is A Tramp - The Very Good Years - Frank Sinatra - 1991
Your Time Has Come - Out Of Exile - Audioslave 2005
E-Pro - Guero - Beck - 2005
Outshined - Badmotorfinger - Soundgarden - 1991
Gratitude - Check Your Head - The Beastie Boys - 1992
Twin Killers - The Runners Four - Deerhoof
I Got The Feelin' - 20 All Time Greatest Hits! - James Brown - 1968
All Apologies - Nirvana - Nirvana - 2002
Hole In My LIfe - Outlandos d'Amour - The Police - 1978
Funky Monks - Blood Sugar Sex Magik - Red Hot Chili Peppers - 1991
Malt Liquor Revelations - Little Hercules
Better than Molly - Little Hercules
Fascination - Little Hercules