too many days

its been too many days since i last wrote. there is a lot going on, specially in my head. off balance thoughts. moments of clarity. chaos. ease. any choice words? in some way its catching up with me. its time. time for all i do and want to do. this is where choices must be made. it seems i cannot make choices b/c i am overloaded. not clear if i am making sense. this where if you listened to my radio show you would understand more of my chaotic nature. inside my brain is a scary place. moments of chaos are interrupted by short bursts of amazing calm. similar to the ocean. it may be a dead calm on top, but a war underneath. and vice versa. chaos on top, calm underneath.

for now, it could be the moon. it could be any number of things. i have to be strong and understand my state. go to a place of gratitude. i am grateful for what i have. i went to the wife yesterday and mentioned "i just want this much." that small space between your thumb and pointer finger. barely an inch. a cm. a mm. that is all i ask. after 5 days of work(nights) there was no time. i say that and understand that i have to use my time wisely. take it when i can get it!

the mantra: calm. peace. patience. percussion.