to the injury

i sit here in a sling. yesterday i dislocated my left shoulder doing a hand stand. i definitely cursed up a storm. 30 seconds. then the calm. frustration. pain. the why? my day is fucked! the calm and community. immediately other members of the class came to my need. talking to me. breathing with me. in my latest writing of goals i told the universe i was going to have a community of friends with common interests. that happened yesterday. everyone shared my pain. my frustration. it was beautiful! i am extremely grateful for all of them.

what is the lesson? is it trust? trusting yourself? trusting your partner? trusting your inner voice? well its multiple lessons and i am still sorting through the thoughts.

a revelation in the shower came to me in a flood. our instructor at the beginning of class mentioned kula which means community. coming together as a community and learning. she spoke of the class level and that there may be some poses that may be difficult. try and play. its about knowing what you can do, but you can at least try. excellent to go back and remember those moments.

for me, as i sort out the emotions. trusting your inner voice and what it tells you. my partner at the time. i do not know her. i believe she may be devestated. i send her thoughts of compassion and gratitude. i hope to see her again and help her through the fear. will you conquer the fear or will you be defeated? conquer! search and destroy..with compassion!

trust and fear

what to observe

i ride the bart. i walk to work. there is so much to see.

its similar to the starbucks mom syndrome.

teenager. big 80's style glasses. hollister sweatshirt. ipod. blackberry. sucking back on a jamba juice. (every other word is like) forever 21 shopping bag. sitting next to her is her friend, wearing a similar arrangement. mom is behind them, trying not to be noticed.

its amazing what we have become. driven by capitalism. i was taught the same principles. took years of unlearning. when i get money, i have to really think about what i want(which is a really good thing). before i would just spend to spend.

interesting to see it all over again.

the zone continues

this is great. the zone continues! its an overwhelming feeling. floating.

today is my friday and i will be treating myself. i have the next few days to myself. this afternoon i am going to go exchange my cymbal for another one. maybe this king was right. 10" splashes are for poofs. its just not working for me. gonna get a larger crash and call it good. no need for more than that.

now. its time to eat and get caffeinated.

here i go....

purple potato

i know how to spell potato. ever experienced a purple potato? interesting when expecting a white one. its a medley of potato's...

wheels are in motion. i have put myself out there and we shall see what happens. its exciting being in the flow. at the dinner table last night, the wife and i were commenting on being in the zone. it is a feeling to embrace!

its time to find my place in sf. its coming. i have my mantra. now its the universes turn to deliver the answer. it will be interesting to see how this one plays out! if you only new my mantra. is it something you need. want? do you have your own? its all about what you want. the energy will find its way to you.

scorpio moon

the scorpio moon is treating me well. spring fever! also other avenues that i have had issues with have become more clear. i found a new drum teacher in berkeley. teaches afro cuban beats. something i really want to learn more about!

in the flow and loving it. i always get a bit anxious the first day back to work. i am working hard to settle in and let it move away. do your job. do it well. go home! thats the trick. know it to be true.

nothing else to report.

its not i wish, its i will!

what i have in mind

unclear what i have in mind. four days off really helped me settle in for better mind calibration. whatever that means? its means i feel better mentally. good job. now i am talking to myself.... i feel more at ease communicating and thing about what i need. i still have my usual battles of chaos. the battles are shorter and consumed with feelings of compassion. gratitude. there is more to life than the job. yes i love to work. i do not live to work. i work to live.

i see it everyday on the bart. in the city. everywhere! frenetic energy creates a buzz of gotta go somewhere faster, harder with no concept of the present. slow it down. open a door for someone. say hello. be gracious. small steps will create more steps to improve your work/personal life. it takes one positive thought to make it happen. this is not neverland. its real life. how you choose to live it, is yours..

you can walk around with x's on your eyes or you can unlearn what you have already learned, for a better life

are most people?

are most people oblivious? its inconceivable that anyone would answer an email from a far away place promising millions of dollars. give us 10K and we will give you 15M?? why is that worth any ones time? give money away based on an email from someone you do not know?? how? why? i understand these scams are meant to prey on people, but again how is it believable?? sitting here thinking about it makes me laugh....

i wrote that last piece b/c i have received 2 emails in the last 4 days promising millions if i give some one 10K. its a shame you cannot block these kind of emails. cons go around and use other emails...

enough of that!

the last 4 days have been just what i needed! 4 off! relaxation. birthday. walked the golden gate. drove a mini cooper. played drums! yoga! a most excellent 4 day weekend! i woke up at 5am for the first time in a while and its quite nice. birds are going. sun is rising. getting mentally prepared for the day. gratitude and compassion are my two words. gratitude for what i have. compassion for those who need it the most. people who are the most challenging and try to pull the wool over my eyes. its a mental game. nothing personal. i choose not to be spun..

i want to write more often. so i will try.

exclamation point...

integrity

in·teg·ri·ty - /ɪnˈtɛgrɪti/ Pronunciation Key - [in-teg-ri-tee]
–noun

1.adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.

2.the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

3.a sound, unimpaired, or perfect condition: the integrity of a ship's hull.

is it being tested. yes. do i enjoy it being tested? no. even more so, its what to do with the information. speak out or say nothing? testing ones ability to find an answer. what is true/false.

the mind does not rest. very aware at all times. the emotion is worn on the shoulder. for good or bad, its what is done to rescue thoughts from consumption. as time passes, the shoulder becomes bare and strong. thoughts linger in the mind, but the truth is already known from the first instant integrity is questioned.

the trick speaks in tongues. whether or not you believe it, i am unrest!

bird song

i normally title the segment before i write, but nothing is happening. its been quite some time. i feel the keys jump away from my fingers. what else to add? i have had a wicked schedule this month. pretty tired, but working through it. its unusual for the local birds to sing songs at 5:36 in the morning, but they are up to something. anyway, hanging on for a 3 day weekend. gonna kick it! lots of drums. yoga. rest the mind. i want to do something that is out of my comfort zone. we shall see??

this morning i woke up to my usual routine. decided to meditate for the first time before i settle in to drink coffee and write. its a nice way to start the day. set an intention. let the mind wander where it wants. felt good. i believe i will do this 3 times a week, maybe more.

i am going to go sit outside and listen to birds debate.

go meditate...